It has been a stressful few weeks, good stress, but stressful nonetheless. In fact, I was so caught up in all of the things I have to do that I completely forgot about Manadoob until one of my members yelled from the gym to the teen center balcony, about five minutes before the class started, that she was excited about Manadoob. So I scrambled to find a staff to watch the teens and get everything ready. As soon as that happened, and the Manadoob kids had lined up, another situation arose that not only took my attention but displaced us from our regular meeting area. By the time we got into the board room, where we normally have our meetings, I felt as if I was going to explode as I was pulled in 20 different directions. I was a little bit flustered, and, given how the Manadoob class so often is a reflection of where I am, I was a little bit worried.
Many of you probably saw this coming, but the class went very well, and, by the end of it, I realized what a calm little oasis I have in the middle of my Thursdays every week. Everything outside of Manadoob, including me, was crazy and hectic, but for an hour I had a break from all of it as I got to reconnect with some of the younger members and find some serenity.
I also discovered that I was a little bit ahead of where I need to be, and we started with Chapter 21 which is huge and packed full of topics, so I held the class to one chapter and just generally let it flow wherever they wanted to take it. I usually do that to some extent, but I let them get more off task than I normally would have, and it turned into a wonderful session with one of the most fun and engaging on the spot activities I have tried.
We talked a lot about courage, facing our fears and what that changes in our lives. Perhaps the most insightful answers came when I challenged them to tell me what changed after they faced their fears that made them less afraid. I asked if they thought something had changed in the world or if it had been a change inside of themselves. This question prompted deep thought for all of the members, and CS specifically had a moment of clarity and revelation. It seemed obvious to him that something had changed in the outside world, but, as soon as he said that he said "Oh, wait, I guess it changed inside of me." That prompted a discussion of the fact that fear, even though it is good and keeps us safe, can sometimes grow inside of our minds to and make us more afraid of something than is healthy and natural.
After this discussion, we all shared times that we had been courageous despite our fears, and how it had changed our lives and the ways we viewed things. We also had a special guest in the form of a former member who came to the Club to visit me and sat in with us for a little while. She won our Youth of the Year competition in 2010 and talked about her fear of public speaking and how, after the many speeches she had to give, that fear went away. She said she was still nervous before speeches but that the fear was gone. I took that opportunity to point out how being nervous is good because it means you have something invested, that you care, and I told them about how, after 100s of basketball games, I still got nervous before I took the floor in high school.
We ended the class with a suggestion from the Manadoob workbook to write down three things that make you angry and say them out loud. The kids got so carried away that we went through five things. I had them write down all of their ideas, and then we counted to three and all shouted them together. It was surprisingly cathartic and prompted quite a bit of laughter, and I had to make them stop so that we could move on and I could get back to my responsibilities.
It really was a wonderful class, and helped me release some of the tension that I had built up over the previous four days; it had all of the great things about Manadoob: narrative, self-reflection, writing, conversation, and unexpected impromptu fun.
Cheers All
Ryan
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Manadoob Future
Nancy Shannon pointed out to me that my new position leaves the future of Manadoob up in the air. I will be finishing my Manadoob class this year; I would have required that but I didn't need to. I hope to continue it in the future as well, and I will push hard for it but we'll see. Just though I'd clear that question up.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Session 11: Transitions
Greetings All,
So today was a little bit weird again. I was very, not distracted, but I guess thoughtful. I started the class off by asking the members if they had ever been in a situation where a change came, and the change was good, but it also came along with some sadness as they transitioned from their old life and undertanding of the world to their new one.
In the non-stop roller coaster that is apparently my life, shortly after I found out about my scholarship I also received a promotion at work, moving from my position to teen director, the next step up. It is an exciting time in my life, and it will present new challenges which are always welcome, but I will also be leaving the younger kids that I have spent the last two years of my life with; the younger kids who played a large part in my recovery; the younger kids that have become my friends and temporary wars. Most of the kids talked about their experiences through the lens of moving, as that is the situation that many of them know the best at this point in their lives. They talked about how it is exciting to go to a new place, meet new people, and experience new things, but how it is also difficult to leave behind old friends, comfortable places, and go into the unknown.
There are obviously lareger life lessons flowing throughout Manadoob all the time, and with my own personal experiences in the last few weeks they are intensified for me as well as for the members of the Manadoob class who are experiencing the lessons through me. Along with the other major things going on in my life, Manadoob nicely complements, reinforces, and helps me pass on the lessons I'm learning.
Today we covered primarily Zack's story as he finds out about his adoption and subsequently his running away and finding himself in the bus stop. The most impactful thing we talked about was the idea of whether or not Zack had a right to be mad at his parents for not telling him. Amazingly, or not so much if you know Manadoob or follow my blog, all of the pertinent points were brought up by the children with only light prompting from me. They talked about the fact that Zack had a right to be mad but that he had also made some bad decisions that caused more problems. Perhaps the most insightful comment came from CS, who pointed out that Zack should be mad, but he also needs to think about the fact that his adopted parents are his real parents and have loved and taken care of him since he was a child. CS pointed out that that matters more than who your biological parents are and it would do Zack well to remember that.
We also talked about forgiveness for others if they lie to you or deceive you. Every member of the class said that they would forgive someone but that they would probably still be upset with them and not act like everything was okay when it wasn't. I thought that showed a suprisingly mature viewpoint, and it was obvious how the question before that, about Zack and his anger at his parents, led them to that more mature understanding of the situation. As much fun as it is to see the kids come to new ideas all by themselves, it is equally rewarding to see how Manadoob often leads them to those decisions with a light touch, encouraging them to come to a new understanding by engaging their minds and hearts, rather than by lecturing them about right and wrong.
Well, back to my crazy day. I only had three days notice for my new position, and I need to get back out on the floor and spend as much time with the kids as I can before my time with them is up!
Cheers
Ryan
So today was a little bit weird again. I was very, not distracted, but I guess thoughtful. I started the class off by asking the members if they had ever been in a situation where a change came, and the change was good, but it also came along with some sadness as they transitioned from their old life and undertanding of the world to their new one.
In the non-stop roller coaster that is apparently my life, shortly after I found out about my scholarship I also received a promotion at work, moving from my position to teen director, the next step up. It is an exciting time in my life, and it will present new challenges which are always welcome, but I will also be leaving the younger kids that I have spent the last two years of my life with; the younger kids who played a large part in my recovery; the younger kids that have become my friends and temporary wars. Most of the kids talked about their experiences through the lens of moving, as that is the situation that many of them know the best at this point in their lives. They talked about how it is exciting to go to a new place, meet new people, and experience new things, but how it is also difficult to leave behind old friends, comfortable places, and go into the unknown.
There are obviously lareger life lessons flowing throughout Manadoob all the time, and with my own personal experiences in the last few weeks they are intensified for me as well as for the members of the Manadoob class who are experiencing the lessons through me. Along with the other major things going on in my life, Manadoob nicely complements, reinforces, and helps me pass on the lessons I'm learning.
Today we covered primarily Zack's story as he finds out about his adoption and subsequently his running away and finding himself in the bus stop. The most impactful thing we talked about was the idea of whether or not Zack had a right to be mad at his parents for not telling him. Amazingly, or not so much if you know Manadoob or follow my blog, all of the pertinent points were brought up by the children with only light prompting from me. They talked about the fact that Zack had a right to be mad but that he had also made some bad decisions that caused more problems. Perhaps the most insightful comment came from CS, who pointed out that Zack should be mad, but he also needs to think about the fact that his adopted parents are his real parents and have loved and taken care of him since he was a child. CS pointed out that that matters more than who your biological parents are and it would do Zack well to remember that.
We also talked about forgiveness for others if they lie to you or deceive you. Every member of the class said that they would forgive someone but that they would probably still be upset with them and not act like everything was okay when it wasn't. I thought that showed a suprisingly mature viewpoint, and it was obvious how the question before that, about Zack and his anger at his parents, led them to that more mature understanding of the situation. As much fun as it is to see the kids come to new ideas all by themselves, it is equally rewarding to see how Manadoob often leads them to those decisions with a light touch, encouraging them to come to a new understanding by engaging their minds and hearts, rather than by lecturing them about right and wrong.
Well, back to my crazy day. I only had three days notice for my new position, and I need to get back out on the floor and spend as much time with the kids as I can before my time with them is up!
Cheers
Ryan
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Session 10: Abstraction
Greetings all.
In some ways, this blog is about me as it follows my personal feelings through the course of my Manadoob classes. There are subtle (and not so subtle) hints to where my head is that can be seen through the prism of the things that I comment on from the class, the things that grab me and touch me deeply.
So this week's class was somewhat of a blur. I remember a few moments from it in specific, but for the most part I remember the impression that I got from the class instead of single instances. I found out that I won a scholarship for a Master's degree from the University of Phoenix through the Boys & Girls Club. It's a full ride, and in many ways it is the culmination of the last four years of difficulty, trial, and the mental and physical suffering that come from going through what I have gone through, mostly alone. The one other person who truly has an idea of what the last four years have involved, my mother, was brought to tears by the news. I dearly wanted to return to college, but my undergraduate student loans and terrible job market were far too much to justify more than doubling them. Add to that the chemotherapy and the Cancer and I felt like I would never return to one of my greatest loves, education.
After so much hard work just to break even, to survive the disaster that temporarily became my life, this is an unmistakable sign of moving forward, of recovery. The last time my mother or I felt this intensely positive, it was when we first learned I was in full remission more than two years ago, and even then we felt mostly relief. It has consumed the two of us these last few days. I know this will elicit an outpouring of well wishes and probably some sympathy, and I thank you all in advance for that. I assure you that isn't why I told you; my story seems triumphant and courageous from the outside; from the inside, it seems decidedly less so and I'm just happy to have survived it relatively intact. Anyway, as a result of this news, my Manadoob class was intense and went very well, but I find myself struggling to recall too many single events from the last few days, so all I have to give you is my general impressions from how the class went, with this explanation for why I will probably sound so vague as well as writing a relatively short entry.
In Manadoob, we talked about weaknesses and strengths, about pushing on in the face of adversity, about being honest with ourselves about who we are both so that we might acknowledge that which makes us great while working on the things that make us less than great. There was a feeling, throughout, that these things are neither positive nor negative so much as just a part of what makes us up as people.
We also talked about bullies, and about how any living thing can be bullied and it is our responsibility to stand up for ourselves and to stand up for others, especially when they can't stand up for themselves. It was somewhat difficult to explain to them what to do if they see someone else (human or animal) being bullied. I know what I would do, in most instances; given that I am an adult, and a relatively large male, I will and have stepped into such situations before. I don't see anything wrong with physical intervention in extreme circumstances, but I didn't want to encourage them to do this as they are far too young to make smart choices around such things. The one moment of the class that I remember because the thought of it was so funny to me came from this discussion. HJ told me that, if he saw someone bullying someone, he would go up to the bully and tell them how he knew they were unhappy and just bullying others to feel better about themselves. The though of this very mild-mannered 8-year-old psychoanalyzing a bully to make them quit was absurd to the point of hilarity, but I had to guide them to a more...practical...approach to the problem. I made sure they knew they had to ultimately make the choice but, as kids, the best option they had was to find an adult and tell them.
It was a good class, surreal and blended together in my mind, but I know my feeling of finally overcoming what has been imposed in my life gave me an interesting perspective, and I think the kids benefited from it as much as I. I literally found out about the scholarship two hours before the class. It was fun, and I'm glad I had Manadoob to center me as well as enhance the already strong feeling of positive connection with the world that was flowing through me.
So a lot of this was about me. I hope it doesn't sound arrogant. I doubt you all will take it that way, but it's so easy to slip into that I work hard to avoid it. I didn't see how to explain this class without the surrounding context.
Cheers
Ryan
In some ways, this blog is about me as it follows my personal feelings through the course of my Manadoob classes. There are subtle (and not so subtle) hints to where my head is that can be seen through the prism of the things that I comment on from the class, the things that grab me and touch me deeply.
So this week's class was somewhat of a blur. I remember a few moments from it in specific, but for the most part I remember the impression that I got from the class instead of single instances. I found out that I won a scholarship for a Master's degree from the University of Phoenix through the Boys & Girls Club. It's a full ride, and in many ways it is the culmination of the last four years of difficulty, trial, and the mental and physical suffering that come from going through what I have gone through, mostly alone. The one other person who truly has an idea of what the last four years have involved, my mother, was brought to tears by the news. I dearly wanted to return to college, but my undergraduate student loans and terrible job market were far too much to justify more than doubling them. Add to that the chemotherapy and the Cancer and I felt like I would never return to one of my greatest loves, education.
After so much hard work just to break even, to survive the disaster that temporarily became my life, this is an unmistakable sign of moving forward, of recovery. The last time my mother or I felt this intensely positive, it was when we first learned I was in full remission more than two years ago, and even then we felt mostly relief. It has consumed the two of us these last few days. I know this will elicit an outpouring of well wishes and probably some sympathy, and I thank you all in advance for that. I assure you that isn't why I told you; my story seems triumphant and courageous from the outside; from the inside, it seems decidedly less so and I'm just happy to have survived it relatively intact. Anyway, as a result of this news, my Manadoob class was intense and went very well, but I find myself struggling to recall too many single events from the last few days, so all I have to give you is my general impressions from how the class went, with this explanation for why I will probably sound so vague as well as writing a relatively short entry.
In Manadoob, we talked about weaknesses and strengths, about pushing on in the face of adversity, about being honest with ourselves about who we are both so that we might acknowledge that which makes us great while working on the things that make us less than great. There was a feeling, throughout, that these things are neither positive nor negative so much as just a part of what makes us up as people.
We also talked about bullies, and about how any living thing can be bullied and it is our responsibility to stand up for ourselves and to stand up for others, especially when they can't stand up for themselves. It was somewhat difficult to explain to them what to do if they see someone else (human or animal) being bullied. I know what I would do, in most instances; given that I am an adult, and a relatively large male, I will and have stepped into such situations before. I don't see anything wrong with physical intervention in extreme circumstances, but I didn't want to encourage them to do this as they are far too young to make smart choices around such things. The one moment of the class that I remember because the thought of it was so funny to me came from this discussion. HJ told me that, if he saw someone bullying someone, he would go up to the bully and tell them how he knew they were unhappy and just bullying others to feel better about themselves. The though of this very mild-mannered 8-year-old psychoanalyzing a bully to make them quit was absurd to the point of hilarity, but I had to guide them to a more...practical...approach to the problem. I made sure they knew they had to ultimately make the choice but, as kids, the best option they had was to find an adult and tell them.
It was a good class, surreal and blended together in my mind, but I know my feeling of finally overcoming what has been imposed in my life gave me an interesting perspective, and I think the kids benefited from it as much as I. I literally found out about the scholarship two hours before the class. It was fun, and I'm glad I had Manadoob to center me as well as enhance the already strong feeling of positive connection with the world that was flowing through me.
So a lot of this was about me. I hope it doesn't sound arrogant. I doubt you all will take it that way, but it's so easy to slip into that I work hard to avoid it. I didn't see how to explain this class without the surrounding context.
Cheers
Ryan
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Session 9: Ten Again
Okay, there were nine. But ten again had so much more of a pleasant ring to it.
So back to a big group today with only one child missing. As much as I enjoyed the smaller group I remembered today why more kids is also fun. There was more energy and more enthusiasm, though that of course made the class a bit more difficult to keep on task. The only downside was CM, who you'll remember has been slowly coming out of her shell, going a bit back into it with more children. Still, she was eager to read even though she declined to share in the face of so much more peer attention.
So definitely some good moments today. RJ, who is sort of a project at times, was in rare form today, cracking jokes and participating willingly and generally in a very good place. It probably helps that her nemesis, KJ, was absent and not engaging in mutual antagonizing. I forget sometimes, with her general negative attitude and status as a serial contrarian, that she is a very emotional, intelligent, perceptive girl. To be honest, I find her particular brand of nihilistic sarcasm extremely amusing, but, given my position, I have to hold it in. Also, it's a philosophy that is much more fitting for a 30 year-old college graduate that works with under-served populations than a young woman trying to navigate school and an increasingly complicated social world.
HJ chimed in with quite a perceptive comment today. He is one of the two young members of the group, often difficult to keep focused which he even commented on today, pointing out that he is like Chaos Gus in that way. When we talked about failure and fearing failure, HJ was the only one who said he wasn't afraid of being a failure sometimes. I asked him why, while also expressing skepticism, and he pointed out to me that "failure is just a normal happening, so why be worried about it?" I couldn't find any fault with this reasoning and left him to his never afraid of failing world. I wonder if that will continue on into his life or if the reality of the world will change his philosophy.
CJ, continuing her role of always saying something amazing, talked about high expectations and how people, because of the expectations they have of themselves, can transfer those to their friends and family. Specifically, CJ talked of a time when her dad, who is very good at math, pressed her to work harder and be better at math, and she told him that she wasn't him and that she was doing her best. That seems natural for teens, but for a 3rd grader it seems amazingly self-aware and forward. BL also talked of high expectations and how, when you do well in school or other things, the expectations actually increase and make things more difficult and stressful.
FR was the highlight of our session though. She is quite an amazing young girl and talked a lot today about the difficulties her family is facing with expectations and strife among parents affecting how she views herself and how her relationship with her sister develops. She has missed the last few sessions and it was nice to have her back with her strong leadership skills and her open and honest opinions. CJ does a great job of sharing and being insightful but FR's extroversion and strong personality really command respect in our group. She is a presence that can't be replaced. Really, they all are, in the end, it's just nice to have her back.
That's all for today. Thanks again everybody, for all of the comments and support and feedback!'
Cheers!
Ryan
So back to a big group today with only one child missing. As much as I enjoyed the smaller group I remembered today why more kids is also fun. There was more energy and more enthusiasm, though that of course made the class a bit more difficult to keep on task. The only downside was CM, who you'll remember has been slowly coming out of her shell, going a bit back into it with more children. Still, she was eager to read even though she declined to share in the face of so much more peer attention.
So definitely some good moments today. RJ, who is sort of a project at times, was in rare form today, cracking jokes and participating willingly and generally in a very good place. It probably helps that her nemesis, KJ, was absent and not engaging in mutual antagonizing. I forget sometimes, with her general negative attitude and status as a serial contrarian, that she is a very emotional, intelligent, perceptive girl. To be honest, I find her particular brand of nihilistic sarcasm extremely amusing, but, given my position, I have to hold it in. Also, it's a philosophy that is much more fitting for a 30 year-old college graduate that works with under-served populations than a young woman trying to navigate school and an increasingly complicated social world.
HJ chimed in with quite a perceptive comment today. He is one of the two young members of the group, often difficult to keep focused which he even commented on today, pointing out that he is like Chaos Gus in that way. When we talked about failure and fearing failure, HJ was the only one who said he wasn't afraid of being a failure sometimes. I asked him why, while also expressing skepticism, and he pointed out to me that "failure is just a normal happening, so why be worried about it?" I couldn't find any fault with this reasoning and left him to his never afraid of failing world. I wonder if that will continue on into his life or if the reality of the world will change his philosophy.
CJ, continuing her role of always saying something amazing, talked about high expectations and how people, because of the expectations they have of themselves, can transfer those to their friends and family. Specifically, CJ talked of a time when her dad, who is very good at math, pressed her to work harder and be better at math, and she told him that she wasn't him and that she was doing her best. That seems natural for teens, but for a 3rd grader it seems amazingly self-aware and forward. BL also talked of high expectations and how, when you do well in school or other things, the expectations actually increase and make things more difficult and stressful.
FR was the highlight of our session though. She is quite an amazing young girl and talked a lot today about the difficulties her family is facing with expectations and strife among parents affecting how she views herself and how her relationship with her sister develops. She has missed the last few sessions and it was nice to have her back with her strong leadership skills and her open and honest opinions. CJ does a great job of sharing and being insightful but FR's extroversion and strong personality really command respect in our group. She is a presence that can't be replaced. Really, they all are, in the end, it's just nice to have her back.
That's all for today. Thanks again everybody, for all of the comments and support and feedback!'
Cheers!
Ryan
Monday, April 2, 2012
Hiatus
Sorry all. It was a weird week, Spring Break at the Club and some upheaval in my life. I'll be responding to questions as well as writing a new entry this Thursday. Thanks for the thoughts and comments.
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