Session 10

This session felt a bit different from previous meetings right from the start.  It was the largest group so far in attendance and there was a different energy and attitude throughout the group. S2 ,who had been reluctant to participate last week, was the first to volunteer to help set up and to read.

As we wrote down our three strengths I explained that they would be asked to share at least one they felt comfortable with the group hearing about. S2 shared that she is supportive, L1 talked about her love for animals and ability to show empathy for others, H1 told us about his drawing skills and being a good bicyclist, H3 felt he was good at spelling and schoolwork, L2 mentioned his sense of humor, T feels good at sports, K was proud of her ability to cheer people up by being funny and the sound of her unique laugh, M knows how to be kind to her friends, and H2 struggled to share anything at all. She said that what she had written was too personal and she didn't know what to say. Before I could encourage her too much or ask the group to help, L1 spoke out and shared with the group that she felt H2 was friendly and told us how she has approached L.N. after the first session and told her how she noticed she was shy and asked to be friends. L1 told H2 that this helped her step out of her shell and participate more. H2 must have been pleased to hear this because she had a giant smile on her face and the rest of the group agreed that what L1 had said was definitely true of H2.

After this discussion I felt the group’s mood change a bit again, a little bit more restless than at the start and at this point I brought this up for the group to discuss amongst themselves. They brainstormed some great ideas to help keep the focus and stick to our code of conduct, specifically the part about being respectful of the feelings of others and how that may be influenced by how we participate and listen in group. We took a minute to be crazy and wild and after that started up again. We will be implementing ideas that came up during their brainstorming such as a word of the day based on how each member is feeling or a score for the day. H1 shared he felt these things could be very important in helping the group become closer and get to know one another better.

We moved on to chapter 14 and talked about the feelings associated with the thought of letting someone down and the fear of failing. Each member shared something about this:

K worries about forgetting a promise to someone and not doing well in school.

T shared a different perspective, that she isn't afraid of failing because she isn't afraid to try.

L2 worries about school and tests because he wants to get good grades.

H2 shared her strong feelings about not letting her mom down. She shared that she thinks lots of people have and that’s why her mom is so tough. H2 sharing this really touched my heart, she is so insightful and I've seen her concern and worry for others. I would say one of her many strengths is her ability to have empathy for others and try to help when she can.

H3 is not necessarily scared of failing but of the response from others if he does.

S2 isn't afraid to fail because she works hard and knows that if she continues to try she has some control over the outcome. What a positive and determined attitude!

H1 isn't too scared because he feels he has friends that will be supportive regardless.

L1 shared that she worries what her parents will think if she fails.

We talked a little bit more about what H1 had shared and the importance of being kind to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who will support you. I shared my view that maybe changing your perspective can help relieve the pressure to succeed. I gave the example of getting a lower grade in school than you had hoped, and how this could be viewed as a learning opportunity to help take away the negativity. 

I asked L1 if she thought her parents would continue to support her if she failed and she shared that yes they would and smiled at that thought.

Time had gotten away from us so we had to end rather quickly. We read the moobiki hint and the directions for the think and do activity, which was giving away the “I believe” charms. I encouraged them to write about the experience or take a picture if they would like me to send it in and return prepared to share who they gave it to and why.

Session 9

This session started a little bit differently than most, I felt it necessary to address the change in attitude among several in the group regarding attending Manadoob. I brought this up and asked for comments and questions from the group. L2 and S1 spoke about their homework burden and feeling they are pressed for time to keep up. K also mentioned this but unexpectedly got picked up directly following her statement. We talked for awhile about commitment and the attendance contract each of us had signed. I spoke to them of my expectations and the thought I would like them to put into their decisions in this area and of course in life. We talked about balance, using time wisely, using resources, asking for help, etc.

Once the discussion had died down we started on chapter 12. I read to them in an effort to save time and gave them some time to work on questions 1-3. The workbook asked us if we have ever felt different or odd and how that has made us feel. H3 said that he is the 4^th shortest in his class and it makes him feel really small. M shared that she is tall and she likes feeling different. Both S1 and S2 said that being different can feel both good and bad. S2 enjoys it when she gets compliments about being different and unique; she gave the example of when someone copies what you do how that is like a compliment. L1 shared that sometimes her shy quality makes her feel odd and out of place, it’s hard for her to speak out and step out of her comfort zone. She shared some advice her mother had given her: everyday is a new day and she can be a new person each day. H2 talked about being different in school and feeling really alone, she thinks of school as “a big bush with  lots of flowers and if you look closer some of the flowers are different.” She told the group that she feels out of place at school because only she and her friends live in mobile homes and are “not rich.”

When we got to the first think and do activity I felt the mood of our group change, it was silly and lighthearted. They enjoyed the break in deep thinking and took their time giggling and joking with one another about how their hands looked.

At the end of our session we picked stones and each shared which they had chosen.  They left wearing their sadiki wristbands and were excited for our next session. L2 told me as he walked out that he had changed his mind and was ready for next week. Since he had to leave we agreed to talk more about it later on. 

Session 8

Today I received a call from S2’s dad informing me that she would no longer like to participate in Manadoob. I spoke with him about options and asked if he knew why she would like to step away from the group. It sounded like maybe there was some confusion so I followed up with her before Manadoob today. S2 and I spoke about her reasons, which it seems stemmed from feeling overwhelmed at school and an upcoming change in her schedule. Her dad had mentioned she was nervous to tell me because she didn't want to hurt my feelings, so I brought this up in our discussion. I told her that it would not hurt my feelings and that the most important thing to me is for her to be happy and healthy at the Club. I asked that she think about her decision and reminded her of the attendance contract she had signed at the start of Manadoob this year.

When it was Manadoob time and members were lining up L2 also asked me if he could stay behind, which it was easier for me to tell him no because I understood his motives (that he wanted to stay back to play with a friend who had attended the Club that day). As I told him no I decided to also call S2 to come to class with us. I spoke with her and let her know I felt it unfair to let her step out as we had formed a close group and her decision would not only affect her but also the group as a whole. She accepted my statement and attended our group. I was also hoping that her feeling of being overwhelmed would pass and she should be encouraged to take time to make these types of decisions. I hope to also have a conversation with her about making it serve her best, maybe looking at it a different way.  Instead of another thing on her long list of responsibilities, maybe an opportunity to let loose and unwind.

We revisited the Iduna stone and the three uncomfortable things we had written and put in the pouch with it. I asked members to share one of the things they had written if they felt comfortable doing so. H3 shared that putting his negative thoughts away for awhile help him, he didn’t hide his excitement about feeling that the Iduna stone worked for him. M agreed that writing about things that bother her makes her feel better. T said that she wrote down her worries of paying bills like on the house, taxes, and having enough money for food. Her honesty was absolutely amazing and the way she said it shocked me. She was so matter of fact, like worrying about taxes and house payments are typical thoughts of a nine year old. We spoke a little bit more about this and I thanked her for sharing something so personal. S2 shared that she had written about her schedule change and grades being uncomfortable for her, she worries and wants to do well. The amount of pressure she puts on herself is obvious and I hope that throughout this year she will learn to take time for herself and learn to be kind to herself as well.

As we progressed to chapter 10, I was reminded of the extreme positivity of our group. Everyone moved quite quickly through the changing negatives into positives exercise and each member shared one that they felt applied to them personally. S2 spoke of sharing a room with her sister as did several of the other girls including M We also shared about chapter 11’s question regarding anticipation and every one was excited to put a sadiki sticker in its place for this section.

Taking into consideration the way our group started with two members wanting to skip our group I thought that it was time to shake things up a bit and give them some space at the same time. I offered them a choice, we voted, whether to continue on starting to read chapter 12 or explore our kits a bit. The response didn't surprise me at all; all but L1 wanted to explore the moobia stones and their meanings more so that’s exactly what we did for the last 5 minutes of class. I felt the energy in the room change as they moved about and hope that our wavering members will have a renewed interest for next session. 

Session 7

We started the day with recap for members who had been missing the previous week and continued on in our workbook to complete chapter 8. I encouraged group members to lead the recap and fill in their peers about what had been missed. I notice that when I start setup and handout materials the group has settled into a routine and a seating pattern.

I was a little worried going into this session because leading up to the start I had been talking with H2 who had a very rough end of the day. She had exchanged words with a Club member on the bus and was feeling particularly upset about the situation. I was worried H2 would be withdrawn and I didn't think she would even show up. I had given her the option to check in with me before Manadoob to let me know if she was up for it, she surprised me by taking her place in line and attending.

We started at question number four, talking about someone in life who understands you like Pete understands Wella. L1 shared that she feels her pets understand her; she described the personalities of her dog and bunnies and how they support her in different ways. She shared that she feels they are her “sun” they brighten her day and surround her with warmth. I appreciate L1 willingness to share about her pets and her bravery to challenge the rest of the group to think and answer these questions in whatever way may be their truth and not what they may feel is an “expected” answer.  H3 shared that he feels his mom really understands him and supports him. He told how she cheers for him during sports and he thinks that’s really nice. H2 shared, which I felt very proud of since she did have a trying day. It was a big step for her to remain open and willing to interact.

The whole group was especially excited to start an activity, which was starting their windsocks. I gave the directions several times, M still struggles to stay focused during our sessions and I think struggles to fully grasp what we are discussing at times. The group is patient with her but I think that they notice as well and wonder why.

We still had time so after discussing chapter 8 we moved on and read chapter 9 learning about the strange things happening to Wella, the feeling of being pushed toward the river and finding Cruz's bowl out. We worked on the activity, writing down three things that feel uncomfortable and putting them in the bag with the Iduna stone. We will wait for the next session to talk more about this and members left their pouches here at the Club to ensure we will be able to check on them next time. 

Session 6

This session we started with a discussion about the grandparent letters. I was very pleased to see that most of the group completed the assignment and wanted to share. S1 shared that as she wrote her letter she found more she liked about the person and included that in her letter. L1 wrote to a former teacher and asked if I could help her deliver it. H3. is going to mail his letter, and so are L1, S1, and T.

During this week’s session we continued on to read chapter 7. L1 had asked if she could read it to us and complete the workbook chapter about beauty. The group agreed that they felt Loki Bella was beautiful and recognized beauty as more than someone’s appearance. S1 raised her hand just to ask if they would get to share and talk about the questions. The answer was of course yes, but I appreciate that she is becoming more confident and excited about sharing. She smiles more now during Manadoob and her higher self esteem shows in her interactions with peers in other Club programs. L1 shared a story about a friend who got teased once, and she now feels bad that she didn’t do more. She said that she wished she could go back and do something about it. H2 said that when she gets teased she doesn’t really get bothered because of how her mom has explained it to her. She shared that she tries to understand what the other person may be feeling or “what’s wrong with them.” L2 shared toward the end of the discussion that he had been called weird before and I replied by saying that I think he has a very outgoing personality and is funny. I asked him if he felt what I said was true and described him well and he agreed. We talked about the possibility that maybe the person calling him weird just thought he was funny but maybe chose a word that L2 didn’t really like. The group encouraged L2 to ask next time someone calls him a word like weird for them to clarify what they mean.

As we continued on to chapter 8 everyone in group volunteered to read. We started our discussion about the word “obsessed” and it’s meaning, but unfortunately ran short on time. H3 spoke of his obsession with Pokémon cards and immediately L2 responded that he feels the same and “just can’t stop playing video games.” When H3 said “same here man,” in such a serious tone it was all I could do to keep from laughing. They are too funny sometimes, and although this is not where I had intended the discussion on obsessions to go, if this is how they can relate it works for me. We will need to finish up the workbook section of chapter 8 this next week and talk a little but more about this topic in the context of the book which I’m sure will go great. I know that they will be very excited to be able to start a project with their supplies as that has been the big question each week since we started! 

Session 5

Thursday in Manadoob we finished up the last of chapter 5 and continued on to chapter 6.  The take home option I had given them for writing a short story about a gift of kindness has been postponed until next week. (Some Club members had completed but forgotten it, and with the reminder others seemed interested.)  I also gave members the assignment of writing the letter to a grandparent or similar person in an effort to save time since we always seem to be lacking in that. We will be discussing both in our next session.

We started with a check in about the Think & Do of being kind and happy for an entire day. L1 thoughtfully shared that she had gone to volunteer at the Humane Society over the weekend and made a conscious effort to have a happy mood. She said that that’s how she would want someone to act if she were in a cage all day and also commented on her dog that is blind that she has taught 14 tricks. S1 talked of how she had cheered up a friend and realized that by doing that it made her feel happier too. H1 asked someone at school who looked sad to play with him.

After we read chapter six and I asked the group to get out their workbooks again I heard unanimous moans and groans which made me smile because this means they are hooked! We have reached that point in the program where they have become invested and interested and I am very excited about this. The discussion we had about chapter six was emotional and a little tough at times, but I am thoroughly impressed with how the group supported one another. I decided since our group is developing well to pull myself back a bit during the discussion. I let them know that I was there to listen and I wanted them to talk about the first questions in chapter six as a group (knowing now that most of the time they want to share about each thing). Right away L1 spoke up and asked who wanted to go first. Several group members spoke of a loss and openly talked about who or what and how they felt. Most of the group was very focused, however one group member, M, struggled a bit in a way I was not expecting. She withdrew and engaged a member sitting next to her in giggling and talking about unrelated topics. H2 is kind of like the group task monitor and quickly leaned over to me and was concerned about this, instead of correcting them myself I encouraged her to wait her turn and share her feelings. As our conversation continued L1 told us of the loss of her bunny who she says she felt was like a person to her. L2 shared how a friend moved away and it made him sad, H1 talked about his fish that died and told the group he felt like L1. L1 told the group that she feels like her bunny is with her not physically but metaphorically because her mom made her a bunny stuffed animal and it helps her feel better. L2 supported her by saying “I like that.”  Other group members talked of friends or loved ones, favorite things or simply passed if they didn’t feel like sharing.

Toward the end of our discussion we talked about the power we have to control our reactions and what we think about things. The group seemed to like the idea of being able to decide how they want to feel about something and the power this gives them. The energy seemed a bit low at the end of group so I told everyone they were required to take a moment to smile, even if it was fake, which had the outcome I had hoped for since all of us looked around and laughed.

One of the best moments happened after class when L1 approached me and thanked me for the opportunity to talk about these things and that she really appreciated it. I am really enjoying seeing her come out of her shell.

Session 3 - 4

We have had several members who were absent at the first 2 meetings attend the group and it seems fitting to provide an introduction for them as well.

H1 is typically very social and interested in talking and sharing.  However, I noticed in Manadoob he was considerably more reserved. I am hoping this may be due to it being his first session and getting used to the group. He and H3 are good friends and I’m sure will benefit from the support of having one another as part of the group.

L1 is an eleven year old girl who I would consider to be a quiet but influential leader of the group. She has a calm presence and respectfully engages other group members. She seems to be quite dedicated to the program already and interested during our meetings.

K  is an energetic young girl.  She is open to sharing at every opportunity and seems to be excited about the program. She is friends with H2 but seems to be comfortable on her own.

T is a very quiet and sweet girl. She is very close to her siblings and outside of Manadoob spends much of her time with her younger brother in a caretaking role. She has become more confident within the group quickly and holds several qualities that remind me of L1

S1 I asked to join the group because of her very obvious quiet and timid personality. She was new to the Club this year and keeps to herself during free time at the Club. I am hoping Manadoob will be a good place to start in welcoming her to play a more active role in our “Club family.”

As far as our Manadoob session, I think that it went well. After adding several people to the group we had eight in attendance for the past two weeks. Our group seems to be meshing well and generally happy with the time we spend together. The only complaint I have heard so far is that there isn’t enough time for Manadoob and it should be multiple times per week. I guess I wouldn’t really consider that a complaint but a testament to how much they enjoy it!

Although I had planned to be through chapter 7 by now we are still working through chapter 5. To my surprise, after each question if I offer the chance to share every member raises their hand.   Because of this, it has become a habit to review and simply go around the table for each person to either share or pass if they wish. Although I feel somewhat pressured for time to be able to cover the material in the amount of time we are able to dedicate to Manadoob, I feel that having meaningful discussion is far more beneficial to the kids. As a group we decided to spend extra time discussing what we are learning and made the story assignment in chapter five a take home option.

L1, T, L2, and S1, all offered to share what they felt it means to be shy. After each shared I pointed out the theme I had noticed - that each of them perfectly described characteristics of themselves, a perfect response to “what shy means to you.” We talked of the importance of understating how each person’s perception may be different but just as relevant and worthy of respect. I asked if each of them would consider themselves to be shy and with smiles they all said yes. I was proud of their willingness to share this, in a way challenging that shy characteristic they each saw in themselves. L1 shared how much effort she feels it takes for her to socialize and speak to others and many of the other members showed their agreement and support of her statement.

We discussed our group and how to keep it a safe space for sharing, that each of them feel a bit less shy in this space. During this discussion L1 also shared that she feels she relates to Wella in a very important way, the loss of a pet. I was touched that she would share something so personal after just two meetings with our group. I feel for L1’s loss and am impressed with her bravery to talk about the “tough stuff” and create that personal connection to the story.

Our group ended with each being asked to complete the Think and Do activity of spending a day happy and kind. I will be interested to see the results after our talk about shyness. Some seemed hesitant but luckily I will see them through the week and can give subtle reminders and encouragement.

Session 2

We had our second session last Thursday; once again it was a very small group of 5. Although I have been recruiting it just hasn’t seemed to work out yet. I am expecting a bit larger turn out for our next session and still aiming for about 10 Club members.

Our session for the day covered chapter two and chapter three, which focused on family units and seeing beauty and magic. Our group is a little bit quiet and shy, understandably so since we are early in the program. I notice that group dynamics are starting to be formed and find myself concerned with making sure the real reason for the group stays in the forefront.

Since in the last entry I gave the update on how past Manadoob members were doing it seems appropriate to now introduce this group, although it is still fairly small.

S2 is an eleven year old girl who seems very mature for her age. She has younger siblings which may account for this quality, as well as her patient and thoughtful personality. She has been fairly quiet in group so far but when she speaks the group takes notice. She is very thorough in her workbook and has shared her thoughts several times.

L2 is ten years old and in some ways reminds me of S2. He is very considerate of other members, quiet, and patient. However, I also see L2 as a group leader; he is well spoken and the thought he puts into what he shares is obvious. He sets a positive example for others as he follows along and asks questions related to the material as well as of other members, trying to acknowledge connections within the group.

HR is the youngest member so far at nine years old. She is the most talkative and for the time being is very interested in knowing what is going to happen next and when we will use the program kit materials. She is brave to share personal experiences in just the two sessions we’ve had so far and it is apparent she needs and wants a safe place to talk about sensitive topics.

MG is a member who I had never really spoken to before creating this group. I had however noticed how quiet she is and thought this may be a good opportunity to provide her with support and let her feel safe enough to come out of her shell. She has shocked me with speaking openly and her willingness to read aloud. She is eleven and has a bit of trouble staying focused and understanding the topics fully but instead focuses on connecting with others in the group.

Manadoob Updates

For those of you who are loyal followers of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Central Oregon – Bend Branch Manadoob Program here is an update of what’s happening.

As Ryan mentioned at the end of last school year he changed positions and is now the Teen Director. Under Ryan’s leadership the Teen program is consistently growing and Club members are increasingly more involved in not only their events but also giving back to our local community. Ryan is a natural fit for the Teen Director and has already fostered many positive relationships with the youth enrolled.

My name is Alley and I will have the pleasure of facilitating the Manadoob Program for Club members this year. I have worked with youth and families in a Boys & Girls Club setting for the past 7 years and couldn’t ask for a better job. The youth we have the opportunity to interact with on a daily basis are absolutely amazing! I am in my final year of the Master’s in Social Work program through Portland State University and am anxiously awaiting graduation day.

I plan to keep much of the program the same as Ryan did: class size of 10, weekly updates, and a celebration at the end of the program. I thought that a fitting way to start the year would be a quick update on past Manadoob participants for those of you who followed the blog last year and may be wondering about the progress of these youth post-Manadoob.

BL is still a Club Member and doing well. She continues to interact with others in a positive way and has developed her own group of friends who she enjoys spending time with at the Club.

KJ is continuing his work on aggressive behavior and using verbal communication in a positive way to express how he is feeling. He attends the Club most days and is generally unpredictable with his moods but the progress is noticed by staff.

CS2, in my opinion, has shown a very noticeable change in his behavior and how he carries himself. He is much more confident, social, and engaged in Club activities. He loves interacting with staff and has positioned himself in a way within the Club that ensures daily discussions with staff members.

CS1 has started this school year on a positive note.  He is now a role model for his peers and instead of being too distracted to complete or remember homework he often prefers to finish before playing.  He also encourages his new friends to do their homework as well.

HJ is a current Club member but has not attended more than a few days so far this year.

CM has become a much more social young lady. She is often the starter of conversation and instead of just smiling when addressed will answer confidently.

CJ is staying busy this year and is once again a participant in Girls on the Run, a self-esteem building program that combines health-based lessons with physical activity (training for an end of the season 5K event). She is often beaming when she comes in from practice and enjoys sharing her experiences with others.

RJ, MZ, and FR are not current Club Members.

Looking forward to a wonderful year!

More to come soon…

Alley

Final Session

So this is it.  We had our last meeting today with a pizza party and a viewing of the DVD.  I was worried, given the nature of documentaries, that it would be difficult to keep them interested and focused, but they loved it.  They wanted to watch it again!  There were some very interesting conversations and revelations, and a couple of moments got me a little teary eyed.  I never used to tear up about anything, but since I was diagnosed with Cancer it happens all the time.  I suppose I'm more in touch with my inner feelings than I was, but it's irritating, the kids make fun of me!

I don't know when I'll be teaching Manadoob again, though I suspect it will happen in the future.  I passed it along to a counselor who came in to do a workshop with my teens about effectively managing emotions so hopefully she will be able to incorporate it into what she does.  Networking is everything.  Still, it was a sad day, realizing that for the foreseeable future I won't be teaching Manadoob anymore.  I really fell in love with the program and I feel like I really hit my stride this year as a teacher.  At least I will be able to pass on what I've learned to whoever teaches it next.

Some good things today.  We talked a lot about communication.  The kids thought, at first, that there was no way to talk to animals.  I pointed out to them that speaking English is not the only way to communicate and that dogs spoke too.  They were skeptical at first but came around once I explained it to them.  I also talked to them about how verbal communication is actually one of the least important forms of communication and that body language and tone communicate far more information.  At the end of the DVD, I asked them what they learned from the video that they didn't know before.  CS told me that he didn't realize you could communicate without talking and that he saw how the people and animals communicated their love and understanding of each other through the way they touched and interacted.  CJ told me that she learned that people and animals can help each other with mutual problems and bring physical and emotional healing to each other.  There were many other insights as well but I'm running out of time!

I did a brief interview with CJ which I will be offering up to Manadoob to use as they see fit.  She was one of the rock stars of my group and she gained so much from it.  This is a bit of a spoiler from the interview, but, at the beginning of the class, she was having nightmares and really struggling.  She told me that Manadoob has helped her to overcome her nightmares and her fears, and she is sleeping comfortably again!

Well, I will respond to any comments (including the ones from last week I have not gotten to), and thanks again for sharing this experience with me and interacting.  All the best to all of you!

P.S.  They BEGGED me to do Manadoob one more time!

Session 14: Endings & Beginnings

Short session today.  In honor of Wella's excitement over the future, I couldn't help but point out that endings and beginnings are pretty much the same, or at least they often arrive at the same time.  In this case, they definitely have.

So before I share my thoughts from today, I talked to my boss about Manadoob next year, and I won't be able to teach it in the future.  However, our Education Director, who has been with the Club longer than I, will be transitioning to a role where she will have more interaction with families and help in coordinating support for them much like a case worker (she is getting her Master's Degree in Social Work).  While I am sad to hand it off, Alley is an amazing asset to the Club and to the lives of our members.  Her greater communication with parents will also likely give her tools to supplement what she is teaching in the class by bringing her insights and lessons into another forum.  I don't want to let Manadoob go, but it couldn't be in better hands.

I don't have much to say about today's session, but it definitely had a somewhat somber tone to it.  It was bright for a moment when I told them that they FINALLY (to them) get to take their kits home.  But, for the most part, it was pretty quiet and unassuming.  There was the feeling that things were ending, and it was a gray rainy day here after weeks of sunshine and hot weather, so the energy was just low.  Still, I asked them if they are going to miss the program, and they all answered heavily in the affirmative.  Well, all of them except RJ, who firmly stated that she wouldn't miss it at all because she hates everything.  So I asked her why she only comes on Manadoob days, and she said so she could get the kit at the end.  I asked her why she wanted the kit so much if she didn't like the program, and she mumbled something dismissively.  So, even the girl who is mad at EVERYTHING grew and came to like the program.

In fact, perhaps in the last great Manadoob moment I will experience, RJ and I had an interesting connection.  We were talking about good things we can do for other people, and RJ said she could ignore them.  I asked why that would help them, and she said because she wouldn't be mean to them.  So RJ and I had a discussion about how not doing mean things is not the same as helping them.  I expected significant resistance on her part to that idea, but I saw sincere thought and consideration in her eyes.  Usually she is dismissive or confrontational, but she really considered my words.  Shocked isn't the right word, but something just a notch lower than that.

Next week we will be having a pizza party and watching the DVD, so it's not quite over.  I will have some final thoughts next week after it is officially over.  In the meantime, thanks again for reading, and commenting, and really just caring about the lives of these kids you have never met!  I will do my best to get some pictures, but it's difficult because I'm never downstairs with the kids anymore.

Ryan

Session 13: The Home Stretch

Perhaps the biggest compliment I have recevied in Manadoob is the fact that the children are often amazed by how quickly the class has gone.  Today, when they found out we only had one more day after this before we were done with the book and the workbook, they were so upset!  Part of this is a reflection of me as a teacher, and part of it is obviously a reflection of the amazing job that Manadoob does to engage children and keep them engaged even when there are weeks separating classes at and a continuous story that takes place over months.

Today we discussed belief in ourselves and why it is important to success in every part of our lives.  HJ pointed out that belief in yourself is about half of all of the effort you need to put into something.  We also discussed Wella learning to become more confident in her life and why that came about.  CS surprised me by tying it back to an earlier point about facing your fears.  All of the kids agreed that the Manadoob, Moobia Stones, and Yama Cruz contributed to Wella discovering her confidence, but only CS recognized that a big part of Wella's confidence came from the fact that she faced her fears and overcame them, giving her the courage and sense of self needed to grow.

After that we talked about patience and how valuable patience can be in our lives.  At that point I was down to two students, so it just got kind of goofy and fun and we joked about little brothers and how annoying they are.  We also talked about our lives and just kind of hung out.  RJ, who is normally pretty surly and taciturn, really opened up and had a number of positive interactions with CS over the last 20 minutes or so.  It really seems like Manadoob has become a high point of her week and her behaviour is exemplary when she is there, even though her behaviour outside has stayed pretty consistent.  It's too bad that it is going to end, but I think the lessons have really sunk in.

So Manadoob and the year are coming to an end, and the summer is about to begin.  I find myself very reflective, wondering if this will be my last Manadoob class and thinking back over the moments I have shared as a result of the program and the amazing children I have worked with.  One more day of class, one day with a pizza party and watching the video, and then our class is over.  It will be fun to talk to the kids about what they learned, but it feels a little bit like a family is breaking up.  I hope they feel that way as well and retain the connections they've made and the lessons they've learned.

Cheers All.

Ryan

Hiatus 2

Sorry for the tardy absent message all.  The last couple of weeks I have been sick/busy, and my class was ahead of itself, so we've had some time off.  Back this week though!  Cheers.

Session 12: Relieving Tensions

It has been a stressful few weeks, good stress, but stressful nonetheless.  In fact, I was so caught up in all of the things I have to do that I completely forgot about Manadoob until one of my members yelled from the gym to the teen center balcony, about five minutes before the class started, that she was excited about Manadoob.  So I scrambled to find a staff to watch the teens and get everything ready.  As soon as that happened, and the Manadoob kids had lined up, another situation arose that not only took my attention but displaced us from our regular meeting area.  By the time we got into the board room, where we normally have our meetings, I felt as if I was going to explode as I was pulled in 20 different directions.  I was a little bit flustered, and, given how the Manadoob class so often is a reflection of where I am, I was a little bit worried.

Many of you probably saw this coming, but the class went very well, and, by the end of it, I realized what a calm little oasis I have in the middle of my Thursdays every week.  Everything outside of Manadoob, including me, was crazy and hectic, but for an hour I had a break from all of it as I got to reconnect with some of the younger members and find some serenity.

I also discovered that I was a little bit ahead of where I need to be, and we started with Chapter 21 which is huge and packed full of topics, so I held the class to one chapter and just generally let it flow wherever they wanted to take it.  I usually do that to some extent, but I let them get more off task than I normally would have, and it turned into a wonderful session with one of the most fun and engaging on the spot activities I have tried.

We talked a lot about courage, facing our fears and what that changes in our lives.  Perhaps the most insightful answers came when I challenged them to tell me what changed after they faced their fears that made them less afraid.  I asked if they thought something had changed in the world or if it had been a change inside of themselves.  This question prompted deep thought for all of the members, and CS specifically had a moment of clarity and revelation.  It seemed obvious to him that something had changed in the outside world, but, as soon as he said that he said "Oh, wait, I guess it changed inside of me."  That prompted a discussion of the fact that fear, even though it is good and keeps us safe, can sometimes grow inside of our minds to and make us more afraid of something than is healthy and natural.

After this discussion, we all shared times that we had been courageous despite our fears, and how it had changed our lives and the ways we viewed things.  We also had a special guest in the form of a former member who came to the Club to visit me and sat in with us for a little while.  She won our Youth of the Year competition in 2010 and talked about her fear of public speaking and how, after the many speeches she had to give, that fear went away.  She said she was still nervous before speeches but that the fear was gone.  I took that opportunity to point out how being nervous is good because it means you have something invested, that you care, and I told them about how, after 100s of basketball games, I still got nervous before I took the floor in high school.

We ended the class with a suggestion from the Manadoob workbook to write down three things that make you angry and say them out loud.  The kids got so carried away that we went through five things.  I had them write down all of their ideas, and then we counted to three and all shouted them together.  It was surprisingly cathartic and prompted quite a bit of laughter, and I had to make them stop so that we could move on and I could get back to my responsibilities.

It really was a wonderful class, and helped me release some of the tension that I had built up over the previous four days; it had all of the great things about Manadoob:  narrative, self-reflection, writing, conversation, and unexpected impromptu fun.

Cheers All

Ryan

Manadoob Future

Nancy Shannon pointed out to me that my new position leaves the future of Manadoob up in the air.  I will be finishing my Manadoob class this year; I would have required that but I didn't need to.  I hope to continue it in the future as well, and I will push hard for it but we'll see.  Just though I'd clear that question up.

Session 11: Transitions

Greetings All,

So today was a little bit weird again.  I was very, not distracted, but I guess thoughtful.  I started the class off by asking the members if they had ever been in  a situation where a change came, and the change was good, but it also came along with some sadness as they transitioned from their old life and undertanding of the world to their new one.

In the non-stop roller coaster that is apparently my life, shortly after I found out about my scholarship I also received a promotion at work, moving from my position to teen director, the next step up.  It is an exciting time in my life, and it will present new challenges which are always welcome, but I will also be leaving the younger kids that I have spent the last two years of my life with; the younger kids who played a large part in my recovery; the younger kids that have become my friends and temporary wars.  Most of the kids talked about their experiences through the lens of moving, as that is the situation that many of them know the best at this point in their lives.  They talked about how it is exciting to go to a new place, meet new people, and experience new things, but how it is also difficult to leave behind old friends, comfortable places, and go into the unknown.

There are obviously lareger life lessons flowing throughout Manadoob all the time, and with my own personal experiences in the last few weeks they are intensified for me as well as for the members of the Manadoob class who are experiencing the lessons through me.  Along with the other major things going on in my life, Manadoob nicely complements, reinforces, and helps me pass on the lessons I'm learning.

Today we covered primarily Zack's story as he finds out about his adoption and subsequently his running away and finding himself in the bus stop.  The most impactful thing we talked about was the idea of whether or not Zack had a right to be mad at his parents for not telling him.  Amazingly, or not so much if you know Manadoob or follow my blog, all of the pertinent points were brought up by the children with only light prompting from me.  They talked about the fact that Zack had a right to be mad but that he had also made some bad decisions that caused more problems.  Perhaps the most insightful comment came from CS, who pointed out that Zack should be mad, but he also needs to think about the fact that his adopted parents are his real parents and have loved and taken care of him since he was a child.  CS pointed out that that matters more than who your biological parents are and it would do Zack well to remember that.

We also talked about forgiveness for others if they lie to you or deceive you.  Every member of the class said that they would forgive someone but that they would probably still be upset with them and not act like everything was okay when it wasn't.  I thought that showed a suprisingly mature viewpoint, and it was obvious how the question before that, about Zack and his anger at his parents, led them to that more mature understanding of the situation.  As much fun as it is to see the kids come to new ideas all by themselves, it is equally rewarding to see how Manadoob often leads them to those decisions with a light touch, encouraging them to come to a new understanding by engaging their minds and hearts, rather than by lecturing them about right and wrong.

Well, back to my crazy day.  I only had three days notice for my new position, and I need to get back out on the floor and spend as much time with the kids as I can before my time with them is up!

Cheers

Ryan

Session 10: Abstraction

Greetings all.

In some ways, this blog is about me as it follows my personal feelings through the course of my Manadoob classes.  There are subtle (and not so subtle) hints to where my head is that can be seen through the prism of the things that I comment on from the class, the things that grab me and touch me deeply.

So this week's class was somewhat of a blur.  I remember a few moments from it in specific, but for the most part I remember the impression that I got from the class instead of single instances.  I found out that I won a scholarship for a Master's degree from the University of Phoenix through the Boys & Girls Club.  It's a full ride, and in many ways it is the culmination of the last four years of difficulty, trial, and the mental and physical suffering that come from going through what I have gone through, mostly alone.  The one other person who truly has an idea of what the last four years have involved, my mother, was brought to tears by the news.  I dearly wanted to return to college, but my undergraduate student loans and terrible job market were far too much to justify more than doubling them.  Add to that the chemotherapy and the Cancer and I felt like I would never return to one of my greatest loves, education.

After so much hard work just to break even, to survive the disaster that temporarily became my life, this is an unmistakable sign of moving forward, of recovery.  The last time my mother or I felt this intensely positive, it was when we first learned I was in full remission more than two years ago, and even then we felt mostly relief.  It has consumed the two of us these last few days.  I know this will elicit an  outpouring of well wishes and probably some sympathy, and I thank you all in advance for that.  I assure you that isn't why I told you; my story seems triumphant and courageous from the outside; from the inside, it seems decidedly less so and I'm just happy to have survived it relatively intact.  Anyway, as a result of this news, my Manadoob class was intense and went very well, but I find myself struggling to recall too many single events from the last few days, so all I have to give you is my general impressions from how the class went, with this explanation for why I will probably sound so vague as well as writing a relatively short entry.

In Manadoob, we talked about weaknesses and strengths, about pushing on in the face of adversity, about being honest with ourselves about who we are both so that we might acknowledge that which makes us great while working on the things that make us less than great.  There was a feeling, throughout, that these things are neither positive nor negative so much as just a part of what makes us up as people.

We also talked about bullies, and about how any living thing can be bullied and it is our responsibility to stand up for ourselves and to stand up for others, especially when they can't stand up for themselves.  It was somewhat difficult to explain to them what to do if they see someone else (human or animal) being bullied.  I know what I would do, in most instances; given that I am an adult, and a relatively large male, I will and have stepped into such situations before.  I don't see anything wrong with physical intervention in extreme circumstances, but I didn't want to encourage them to do this as they are far too young to make smart choices around such things.  The one moment of the class that I remember because the thought of it was so funny to me came from this discussion.  HJ told me that, if he saw someone bullying someone, he would go up to the bully and tell them how he knew they were unhappy and just bullying others to feel better about themselves.  The though of this very mild-mannered 8-year-old psychoanalyzing a bully to make them quit was absurd to the point of hilarity, but I had to guide them to a more...practical...approach to the problem.  I made sure they knew they had to ultimately make the choice but, as kids, the best option they had was to find an adult and tell them.

It was a good class, surreal and blended together in my mind, but I know my feeling of finally overcoming what has been imposed in my life gave me an interesting perspective, and I think the kids benefited from it as much as I.  I literally found out about the scholarship two hours before the class.  It was fun, and I'm glad I had Manadoob to center me as well as enhance the already strong feeling of positive connection with the world that was flowing through me.

So a lot of this was about me.  I hope it doesn't sound arrogant.  I doubt you all will take it that way, but it's so easy to slip into that I work hard to avoid it.  I didn't see how to explain this class without the surrounding context.

Cheers

Ryan

Session 9: Ten Again

Okay, there were nine.  But ten again had so much more of a pleasant ring to it.

So back to a big group today with only one child missing.  As much as I enjoyed the smaller group I remembered today why more kids is also fun.  There was more energy and more enthusiasm, though that of course made the class a bit more difficult to keep on task.  The only downside was CM, who you'll remember has been slowly coming out of her shell, going a bit back into it with more children.  Still, she was eager to read even though she declined to share in the face of so much more peer attention.

So definitely some good moments today.  RJ, who is sort of a project at times, was in rare form today, cracking jokes and participating willingly and generally in a very good place.  It probably helps that her nemesis, KJ, was absent and not engaging in mutual antagonizing.  I forget sometimes, with her general negative attitude and status as a serial contrarian, that she is a very emotional, intelligent, perceptive girl.  To be honest, I find her particular brand of nihilistic sarcasm extremely amusing, but, given my position, I have to hold it in.  Also, it's a philosophy that is much more fitting for a 30 year-old college graduate that works with under-served populations than a young woman trying to navigate school and an increasingly complicated social world.

HJ chimed in with quite a perceptive comment today.  He is one of the two young members of the group, often difficult to keep focused which he even commented on today, pointing out that he is like Chaos Gus in that way.  When we talked about failure and fearing failure, HJ was the only one who said he wasn't afraid of being a failure sometimes.  I asked him why, while also expressing skepticism, and he pointed out to me that "failure is just a normal happening, so why be worried about it?"  I couldn't find any fault with this reasoning and left him to his never afraid of failing world.  I wonder if that will continue on into his life or if the reality of the world will change his philosophy.

CJ, continuing her role of always saying something amazing, talked about high expectations and how people, because of the expectations they have of themselves, can transfer those to their friends and family.  Specifically, CJ talked of a time when her dad, who is very good at math, pressed her to work harder and be better at math, and she told him that she wasn't him and that she was doing her best.  That seems natural for teens, but for a 3rd grader it seems amazingly self-aware and forward.  BL also talked of high expectations and how, when you do well in school or other things, the expectations actually increase and make things more difficult and stressful.

FR was the highlight of our session though.  She is quite an amazing young girl and talked a lot today about the difficulties her family is facing with expectations and strife among parents affecting how she views herself and how her relationship with her sister develops.  She has missed the last few sessions and it was nice to have her back with her strong leadership skills and her open and honest opinions.  CJ does a great job of sharing and being insightful but FR's extroversion and strong personality really command respect in our group.  She is a presence that can't be replaced.  Really, they all are, in the end, it's just nice to have her back.

That's all for today.  Thanks again everybody, for all of the comments and support and feedback!'

Cheers!

Ryan

Hiatus

Sorry all.  It was a weird week, Spring Break at the Club and some upheaval in my life.  I'll be responding to questions as well as writing a new entry this Thursday.  Thanks for the thoughts and comments.

Session 8: Another Small Group

So my more clever readers may have already realized that there was a small group.  I'm having a little trouble keeping attendance up which is mildly irritating given that I spoke to all of the parents before hand about the importance of continuity in the program and the limited resources we have to put it on.  On the upside, having a small group makes the sharing much more intimate and valuable.  Being at the Club, my goal with our 120-140 members daily is to reach as many as I can.  Ten is the maximum size I want my group to be, and even that is a little unwieldy at times, so when I have a group of five like I did on Thursday it's kind of like a holiday.

We hit three chapters today, 10-12.  In addition to having a small group it was primarily made of of people who don't share a lot, so they got the chance to shine in the absence of their more talkative and outgoing peers.  As a result, I got to see a side of them that I don't often see.  RJ, who has had many problems at the Club and has not been there for a few weeks was back.  She was having problems at the Club again today, so I was a bit unsure of how she would do in Manadoob, but she did really well.  For some reason, she had chosen not to talk today and wrote everything down instead, but I just rolled with it and accepted her input that way.  The one time she did talk was to make a joke about how if everyone looked the same we wouldn't be able to tell each other apart.  Given her lack of voiced input to that point it was actually quite funny and it was a welcome moment to see her lighthearted, a word rarely (if ever) used to describe her.

HJ, who has missed the last few sessions due to difficulties at school and at home, had quite a surprising day.  He is one of the quieter and younger members of the group, but his enthusiasm was palpable in his first day back and he often carried the conversation.  As he is usually somewhat distracted and difficult to get to focus it was fun to see and be a part of.  We also got our Sadiki bands today.  For any of you unfamiliar with the aspects of the program, Sadiki bands are given out about halfway through the program and are used to promote belief in self and belief in others.  Each band says Sadiki on it, which essentially means "Believe," and there are charms that come with them that say "Believe in Yourself" on one side and "I Believe in You" on the other.  Members are supposed to keep one for themselves and give the other two to friends or family or put them on their pet's collar to show their love and belief in those close to them.  HJ gave one of his charms to me which was pretty adorable.  I put it on (my dog) Sadie's collar.

We also did the section involved with turning negative statements into positive ones, and I quite liked their choices so I'll share them with you:

"I don't have my own bedroom" became, via HJ, "At least I have a bedroom to live in."

"My glass is half empty" became, via MZ, "At least there is something in my glass."

"I am afraid of the dark" became, via RJ, "But I can see the stars and the moon at night" and, via CM, "I can see the pretty lights from buildings at night."

"I don't want a pet because he/she will die some day" became, via CS, "At least I will get to play with her and have fun."

Once again, pretty adorable.

Also, the continuing emergence of CM as a vocal presence in the class has been very gratifying to watch.  Throughout the Club, CM has difficulty expressing herself and opening up to other children.  She is often standing alone, watching everything happen instead of engaging.  Daily, myself and other staff encourage her to play, to have fun, to make friends, and daily we are rebuffed, politely, but rebuffed nonetheless.  I would be taking credit from the overall effort of our staff if I said this change is purely a result of myself and Manadoob, as everyone takes a hand in what we do here, but Manadoob has definitely had an effect and I feel the change most strongly when we are in Manadoob.  She is slowly coming out of her shell (also she loved Horace Po so a great pun opportunity) and while that is visible in the rest of her Club life, it is most striking in Manadoob where she went from never sharing to sharing more than half of the time she is asked.  It really is heartwarming to witness, and she and I seem to be bonding so that will have ramifications far outside of Manadoob.

This is already getting long so I'll share a few more things and then send this off into the ether.  One, we talked about anticipation, and, without my prompting, they realized that anticipation can also mean things they are worried about, which was a big leap and speaks to how Manadoob has already influenced them to think their way around things and see both sides.

Two, I am in a very emotional place right now, and it showed in this class.  I'm sure you have already noticed by the length and tone of this entry that my head is in a different place.  The last few classes I have been sick and a little bit run down, so it was more difficult to teach them and write about them afterwards.  This time, I was excited for the class more than usual because my own mind is racing with the ramifications of an old friend entering my life and deepening our friendship somewhat out of the blue.  Most of my friends bailed when it turned out surviving Cancer was actually difficult and often ugly rather than heroic and romantic; who knew?  So I have largely avoided getting close to people for awhile because my life has been so unstable that I've needed to focus most of my energy on not going crazy.  Now, more stable and less leery of emotional depth, I find myself beginning to heal in another way, and I was very excited to see how that energy translated to Manadoob (and to the Club in general).  It isn't a positive or negative feeling so much as just an intense one, and it ended up fueling things in Manadoob that coincided perfectly with my smaller class.  Obviously, it has inspired me to write a longer than normal journal entry.

So I hope it wasn't weird for me to share personal things.  This blog is about Manadoob and I don't want to use it as a platform to talk about my own experiences, but they are, in some ways, relevant to what is going on and provide a deeper understanding of who I am and what I am trying to accomplish.  Thank you all for reading!  Be Well.

Ryan

No Manadoob This Week

Hey all.  No Manadoob this week as we had a full day at the Boys & Girls Club due to parent/teacher conferences at the elementary schools.  More next week.

Cheers

Session 7: I don't have a clever name today.

I was back up to a full class today and my helper, DK, who I have not had for a couple of weeks.  As a result, it was significantly more impactful.  I must say that having only four youth was kind of nice, in its own way, as the four of us got to connect on a more personal level, but having the full class there is important because it allows us to benefit from a variety of perspectives and opinions.

However, there is one lasting positive of my small class, in that CM, who had not shared once before that class (even though I saw her working her courage up several times) is apparently now going to share often.  She shared just the once last week and went from her first and only moment of sharing to sharing four different times today including taking a turn reading the story.  She apparently broke through that barrier and now it is a thing of the past, very exciting.

Other than that it was a pretty nondescript class.  I'm still struggling to ditch the last of this flu so I'm a bit distracted and low energy which seems to rub off on them.  Still, in some ways that is good, it gives them a break from the intensity that sometimes comes along with Manadoob.  We did have a good talk about bullies, and several of the members came up with good reasons people might be bullies.  Chief among these ideas was the idea that maybe they are themselves being bullied, so I asked them, who would be bullying the bullies if it isn't the other people at school.  The answers they came up with were older bullies, an older sibling, or maybe a parent.  I was really hoping they would mention parents because we have a youth at our Club who is bullied by a parent and, as a result, is quite a bully himself.  Hopefully I can play that realization into something more as we delve deeper into the bullying issue.

CJ continues to be amazing and really blows my mind on a weekly basis.  She was the one today who came up with the idea that parents might be bullies, which, to someone who does not have a physically abusive parent, is kind of a stretch.  It's funny how I've gone into the class each year with preconceived ideas that come from the fact that I have a preexisting relationship with the children in my class, and, both years, I have been surprised at who has really separated themselves from the class with their combination of intelligence and perception.  CJ is the person this year, like DK last year, who has consistently floored me and made me redefine what I thought of them.  It is quite an enjoyable feeling.

Sorry if this is a bit choppy and doesn't flow well.  I'm in the main office at work and have talked to three different parents in the middle of writing it.  Thanks again for reading!

Be Well.

Manadoob Art

Something I have tried this year is to incorporate art projects into my Manadoob program for every class that we have.  I am lucky because I have an art room and a fantastic art teacher (I'm a strong writer, but drawing, not so much).  Each project was designed between myself and Lindsay, one of our resident artists, with the express purpose of highlighting and reinforcing lessons covered that week.  Manadoob does such a phenomenal job of stimulating multiple senses while teaching that I thought a more active art component would be great.  Not all of my Manadoob students do the art projects, but some do and a number of kids that aren't in Manadoob do them as well.  Lindsay fosters discussions and conversation about the topics as they do the art projects.  Overall, it has been very successful and a valued addition to the curriculum.  So, with special thanks to Lindsay, here is our list of collaborative projects thus far.  This list ends at Chapter 18 because that is how far we got in planning.  That isn't until late April so I'll pass along the rest of the projects when I have them. 

Chapter 1 - Lindsay had youth do collages of the different ways people dress, eat, and live. 

Chapter 2 & 3 - Each youth did their personal family tree, made up of all family members not just blood relatives.

Chapter 4 - Harry Potter fans will recognize this immediately.  We had the children draw pictures of their individual fears but then add something to the pictures that made them look ridiculous and not scary (a real example:  giant spider with a crazy afro!).

Chapter 5 - We missed this one because of some unforeseen events but the idea was making animal sculptures with random different parts, much like the make your own Manadoob project.

Chapter 6 & 7 - Members made an image celebrating the life of someone they loved but who is out of their life now (passed away, moved away, etc.).  All members also contributed to a group portrait to illustrate and celebrate diversity.

Chapter 8 & 9 - Everything from this point forward is a future project.  Members will make a comic strip dealing with coping with loss and how to overcome loss and move forward and be in the present.

Chapter 10 & 11 - All Lindsay wrote is Mobile!  I can tell she is excited but I'm not quite sure how the theme will play in...

Chapter 12 - We are going to make a giant hand, with each finger containing aspects of what make our members special.  The final piece will be displayed in our Club.

Chapter 13 & 14 - Members will draw an object, erasing repeatedly to show that mistakes are okay, and producing a final project that has clearly gone through many iterations.

Chapter 15 & 16 - Members will illustrate a situation when they felt bullied.  Color will be heavily emphasized to show how different colors correlate to feelings.  They will then, again emphasizing color, draw a picture of themselves when they were a bully.

Chapter 17 & 18 - This is the Manadoob windsock project, except they will be making their own since not all of the members are in Manadoob.  I may be able to scrounge up some leftover windsocks from last year.

New Readers

So wow, a bunch of people are reading this.  The internet is so strange!  Normally I'm quite averse to social networking via the internet.  I avoid Facebook almost religiously and I dread the day that my job requires me to post something on twitter.  Still, to avoid being cantankerous and old, I must say that this type of social networking, based on mutual interest and philosophy, is quite impressive.

To further lines of communication/interest I have actually created a profile for myself.  I'll try to get a picture up soon but I have to find my external hard drive, still packed away after a recent move.  But my profile should give you a little more insight into who I am and what I do with myself, so, if you're interested, take a look.

Thank you all for reading and commenting.  I promise I will do my best to respond to all of the comments but, if one slips through the cracks here and there, don't take it personally, unless you were being mean or something.

Cheers all, thanks again.  It's nice to hear your thoughts.  And Manadoob students, teachers, facilitators, and anyone with an opinion, please pass along any advice or insights that you think could help me.  I'd love the input.

Ryan

Session 6: Anomalies

I'm late on this one.  Sorry loyal readers!  I wonder how many of you there are out there in the vast space of the internet.  At least a couple I hope.  Anyway, I've been ill and overworked for the past few weeks, so my apologies for the lateness of this post.

It was an interesting class.  Most of my class missed this week, for a variety of reasons.  The smallest class I've had through the first five was eight children; last Thursday's class was four.  CS, CJ, CM, and MZ.  I wouldn't like to have a class this small most days, as it really limits the perspectives that come into our conversations, but it was fun to have such an intimate setting and it provided some interesting moments.

This class will likely stand out as unlike any other, and, by far, the best moment of the day came when CM spoke for the first time.  Those of you who have been following will remember me mentioning her reluctance to speak, and when she raised her hand to share for the first time I got so excited!  I actually got so excited that I definitely forgot what she shared because I was so caught up in the moment.  In some ways I'm okay with that.  Normally I share those moments on the blog, fire them out into the ether and have no idea where they end up.  For this one, I get to keep it all in my head and all for myself.  Sorry...but not really.

I also had some pretty amazing moments that I do remember and will share.  We did the activity in Chapter 6 that asks the children to make a list, out of six options, of three things they can control and three things they cannot control (the options are:  Rain, Death, Fear, Happiness, a Rainbow, a Smile).  CJ, who has proven to be one of the most consistently insightful and outgoing of the group, answered that the things she could control were Fear, Happiness, and a Rainbow.  As I was about to ask how she could control a rainbow, CJ answered that she likes to imagine that she can control rainbows with her mind, making them come out after ever rainstorm so that she can see their beauty.  I couldn't find any fault with that argument so I thanked her for being so creative and optimistic and went on with my class.

Chapter 7 raises the idea of beauty and what it means to be beautiful while also revealing the first Manadoob, Loki Bella, to the children.  They struggled a little to embrace Loki Bella and her "strange" look, but all of them said that she was interesting and a few said she was beautiful; no one said she was ugly so I suppose they are ahead of the curve.  However, the amazing moment came when I asked them to define beauty.  I pointed out that everyone sees beauty differently and has a different idea of what it might be, and they responded with insight that wasn't unexpected but was still refreshing to hear.  The group came up with their individual answers and then I challenged them to come up with a group answer.  Led again by CJ, the group decided that whatever beauty is, it is definitely something that has more to do with who you are and the actions you take than what you look like.  They needed zero prompting from me to come to this conclusion and it was a lot of fun to hear them discuss what beauty meant to them and then bring it all into a general group definition.

Well off to other things.  I'm on a bit of a deadline so I haven't edited this yet.  Forgive any small oversights!

Session 5: Making Strides

It was an interesting day of Manadoob.  There were some surprising revelations and an even more surprising bonding moment between two members who are usually at odds with each other.  Most of what happened was unexpected in some way and the time seemed to fly by a little faster than usual.

First things first, KJ and RJ, the two of my members most likely to be negative and most likely to get in some sort of verbal altercation with each other had several strange moments of bonding today.  We are in Chapter 5, and there is an exercise where members tell a story or create a story about a show of kindness between two people.  KJ could not think of anything, and voiced this complaint more than once.  I ran him through some scenarios, gave him multiple prompts, but for some reason he just didn't want to share a story about kindness.  I honestly think it was difficult him, with what has gone on his life, to imagine kindness between two people.  Surprisingly, RJ came to the rescue with a prompt that got the whole room laughing.  She asked KJ what his favorite things were, to which he responded Pokemon and sushi.  RJ suggested that he write a story about a Pokemon giving another Pokemon some delicious Sushi.  It was a silly moment, and on the surface it doesn't seem like a big deal, but given the antagonistic history between the two of them, it represented a significant step forward.

RJ also gave me a teachable moment at the end of the class, and I think the lesson actually sunk in.  RJ pulled out the Moobia Stone of Wisdom, Iduna and I asked her if there was anyone in her life, friends or otherwise, with whom she might cut ties and thereby make her life better.  She responded that she wished she could cut the Boys & Girl Club out of her life and all of the people in it so she didn't have to see them anymore.  This is a common theme with RJ, even though at home she seems to speak highly of the Club and its staff and has recently become much more accepting and open to attending.  Still, there is obviously some rebellious and negative feelings.  So I asked RJ if she had a choice of whether or not she came to the Club.  She replied that she did not.  What followed was a tense exchange, but I focused on the fact that you can't always choose what happens in your life or where you spend your time but that you can choose how you respond, how you view things, and that those choices can directly influence your happiness.  I pointed out to RJ that much of her unhappiness comes from the friction that she causes with her confrontational attitude and her decisions to isolate herself.  I challenged her to do this week's homework, to be nice for an entire day and see how it changed how SHE felt.  I doubt she will be nice for a whole day, but even the attempt should prove illuminating for her.

It was really a strange class.  Some deep issues came out unexpectedly and I don't think some of the kids were prepared.  We are still in the early phases of the class where they are being eased into some of the heavier content and they were challenged by RJ's attitude and some comments about a friend who committed suicide from FR.  It was good, but I could see that it was a bit overwhelming.  I let it go on for a little while but then redirected the conversation and the theme of the class back to the topics at hand and a little lighter fare.

It is interesting, now that I am more experienced at facilitating the class, that it has in some ways become more difficult for me to stay on task as my increased comfort and more efficient techniques have translated into deeper and more startling revelations from many of the members.  I am happy that I am achieving a greater amount of depth than my first class, but it is resulting in some interesting challenges for me as well.  I really enjoy how the teacher role can so quickly become the student role and how often I find myself scrambling for an answer.  I am learning as we go as well.

Session 4: Improvisation

Today was a unique day, and in some ways I'm happy it was my first day blogging about my Manadoob sessions.  Before the class started, a youth at the Club that I have a close relationship came up to me and told me that she was having a sad day.  I took her out of the general chaos of the main Club areas to talk to her, and she revealed to me that her three year old dog had been hit by a car the day before.

We sat in the office and talked, her on the verge of tears and me more than a little touched by the difficulty she was having and the fact that she was willing to share with me.  I told her that I had a young dog when I was her age that had been hit by a car and remembered how difficult it is.  I also told her, tears close to my own eyes, that I couldn't imagine losing my dog now.

This young lady isn't in my Manadoob class, but I asked her up to it as a special guest and threw out my lesson plan for the day (I'll combine two classes down the line).  I saw an opportunity for her and for the Manadoob members to mutually gain.  She didn't want to talk about what had happened in front of the Manadoob class, it was still too fresh for her, so instead I had my Manadoob class pick out a Moobia stone and share a difficult story from their own life where they were sad, lost a loved one, or went through a similarly difficult time.  Not unexpectedly, losing a dog was the very first thing that came up, and BL shared that after her dog died she went behind the shed in her yard and cried all day.

Other youth shared difficult stories as well, and I could see some of the stress and sadness melting out of our honorary member.  By the end of the session some brightness had returned to her face and she felt...lighter to me.  I gave her the Moobia stones, the book that explained them, and the story book on loan.  I told her she had to give it back but that she could keep it for as long as she wanted.  The stone she chose was Rahwa, the stone of thankfulness, so the last thing we talked about was how we can be thankful even for sadness.  I asked the members who had spoken of loss if they would give up the memories of their loved ones in order to have never felt the sadness when they departed.  They all agreed that they would rather be sad than forget the people and pets that brought them such happiness.

I let our temporary member depart at that point, but asked her to keep the Rahwa stone in her pocket and to touch it whenever she started to feel overwhelmed by being sad to remind her of why she loved her dog so much.

We closed out the class with lighter fare, sharing our favorite books, songs, movies, even video games and why they were important to us.  When the class was over and I had collected all of the kits, I went back downstairs and, shortly thereafter, the girl who had lost her dog was called to the desk.  I went to see her to give her a hug before she left, and she was laughing with her friends and having fun in our Games Room.  Clearly Manadoob and our discussion had lightened some of her burden.  She no doubt has difficult moments ahead, but I think hearing others speak of their loss really touched her and reminded her that she wasn't alone.

Overall, I'm very happy with the improvisation, though I'm not sure if I should have pushed her to share or not.  I try not to do that but, given how much better she seemed to feel after hearing the others talk, it might have been good.  Either way, successful and rewarding day.

I also had HJ ask if he could share his difficult time after class.  HJ and I never had a relationship before Manadoob, but, just a few classes in, he came to me to share difficulties in his home life involving drug use and prison time among his parents.   He told me that he and his brother were both facing a very difficult time going forward.  HJ is one of the youngest members of the class, and seeing him in tears as he shared deeply personal information with me for the first time was very touching.  Manadoob continues to amaze.

Class Makeup

I would like to discuss the makeup of my group because it was very deliberately done.  My other Club staff were asked to nominate two people each; this was done because I wanted the group to be more diverse than if I had just gone by my opinion.  It is also because there are so many children at the Club who are close to some staff and not others that I knew I would miss some terrific candidates otherwise.  I am going to use the initials of each member in order to preserve anonymity, but knowing a little bit about the participants will greatly enhance your understanding of my comments, and I'm assuming if you're reading that is what you're looking for.  So, without further ado, the ten participants of my class and brief notes on their behavior and personality.

BL - BL is a very quiet young woman but still strong in her personality.  She doesn't have to be loud or pushy to make her presence felt, and so far she is a very active participant in discussions.

CS1 - CS1 is the youngest member of the class and the most easily distracted.  It is difficult at times to keep him from going on tangents.  He is normally a shy boy but is often eager to share in Manadoob.

CJ - CJ is a girl whose personality is difficult to quantify.  On the one hand she is shy and unassuming, but when engaged she is very eloquent and willing to share.  So far, she is one of the bravest members in sharing difficult and potentially embarrassing things.

CM - CM is the quietest of the members and has, through three classes, yet to share once.  However, I have seen her work up the courage and almost share, and I continue to gently prompt her.  I have confidence she will share soon, and I am very excited at the new perspective she will bring.

CS2 - CS2 is a very quiet and unassuming young man.  He seems eager to share but is often intimidated by the prospect of sharing with the group.  I am hoping that as the class continues his confidence will grow.

FR - FR has been the most impressive member of class so far in the depth to which she is willing to share.  She is having some problems in her life and seems eager to share them with the group.  I think, at times, her candor is intimidating to the others, but it is also inspiring.  She is blossoming into a leader before my eyes.

HJ - HJ is the other young member of the class, and like his counterpart, he has some difficulties focusing.  I am hoping that the structure of the class will help him keep his thoughts together better in the future.

KJ - KJ has a special relationship with me and perhaps, of everyone, has the most to learn from Manadoob.  He can be negative and aggressive at times, and I am looking forward especially to the section on bullying with KJ.

MZ - MZ is the calm center of the class around which all of the members orbit.  MZ has had some difficulties, but he is so strong and stable and willing to share that he has become the anchor of sanity for a very diverse group.

RJ - RJ has significant behavior problems and I wasn't sure whether or not she would be able to participate.  So far, the behavior contract that I made up has served to reign her in when she gets upset and I think she will be able to stay in the class.  If she does, I have do doubt that she will benefit from it immensely.

That's it.  I will also throw out a nod to DK, a girl who was in my class last year and who I have chosen as my wonderful assistant and who amazed me last year and continues to do so in the role of assistant instructor.  I am excited for DK, who got so much out of her class, to see it from the level of instructor and get a completely different hit on it this time around.

Cheers

Introduction

Before I posted my first reflections upon a Manadoob class, I thought I would give a little bit of background on myself.  My name is Ryan Hart, I am 29 and living in Bend, Oregon where I work at the Boys & Girls Club.  This is my second year running Manadoob and I am very excited to get deeper into the program.  I am starting this blog a little bit late so I'll be starting after the fourth class this week (02/16).  Starting this week I will be posting something after every class, hopefully right after the class so that I remember things more clearly.

As I said, this is my second year running Manadoob.  Last year I had a compressed time period and little familiarity with the program, so I flew by the seat of my pants for the most part.  Still, I fell in love with the program and the possibilities it offers to participants as well as instructors, and now that I have a deeper understanding I have no doubt I am going to experience new things that I missed last year.  I have also implemented a Manadoob art program with a corresponding art project for almost every class, save only those when the Club is closed.  It is my hope that the physical crafting of artwork related to Manadoob will expand the already multi-layered educational strategy to reinforce the comprehensive reading and the writing and discussion projects.

On a personal level, Manadoob speaks to me in ways it wouldn't have three years ago.  At 25, I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia and it was devastating.  On top of the difficulties of chemotherapy and the mental stress that came from my whole life going "poof!" in front of my eyes, so few people were willing to talk to me about the difficult parts of my life, so intimidated and frightened of the harsh realities I was facing.  I wish that I had been more thoughtful about death and some of the difficulties I had faced before, but, even more, I wish that the people around me had found the courage to do so.  So you can imagine my surprise and sincere admiration when I discovered a program that encouraged CHILDREN to do this.  Here I was, surrounded by people in their mid-20s too frightened to think of things like death and loss and extreme sadness, and now here I am watching young children enthusiastically and courageously explore deep fears.  To top it all off, I get to teach this program at the Club, a place as responsible for my recovery as anything else save my mother and my dog, Sadie.

It's weird to send this off into the ether, not knowing if anyone is going to actually be reading it, but here goes!  If you are reading, thank you!  If you have any questions or comments, well I'm sure there is some place on here that has my email address and a section for comments.  Sorry, I'm not so good with the technology spectrum of things;  I'm pretty analog.

Cheers