Session 13

Today we checked in by using a number scale. Each member held up on their fingers with what number they felt represented them today. The scale was from 0-5, with zero being the worst they could imagine feeling and five being the best. When we did this I saw no 5’s among our group but many 2’s and 3’s. We said nothing more about our numbers at that point but agreed to come back to it later if we wanted to.

We started the day by catching up in the workbook for chapter 17: No One is Perfect. It was difficult to list 3 weaknesses for many of the members; we spent quite a  bit of our time here, which is great because I believe most were really putting some thought into this. I asked each person to share just one of those weaknesses. Before we started I reassured them that I realize it may be difficult and our group is confidential and should be a safe place to share. In agreement we continued and noticed some similarities among us. L1 bravely started and told us she feels math is a weakness for her, her plan is to continue practicing during the summer. T feels like she doesn’t always listen to her mom and wants to instead start listening to her. M shared at this point that she felt the same as T and also wants to try harder to stop and listen to her mom. S1 related to L1 that math has been tough for her and she is also going to work hard and practice often. She spoke about getting help at the Club from one of the teens and feeling better about it. K feels she could listen more to her mom as well, she wants to try to understand more and change how she reacts when asked to help out around the house. H3 told us that he doesn’t always tell the truth and wants to put more effort into thinking before he speaks so that maybe he will catch himself. S2 feels uncomfortable speaking in front of large groups and plans to work on this by using opportunities to speak in front of smaller groups as practice.

 A large part of our conversation surrounded H2 when she asked if she could pass. I didn’t want her to pass because I felt like she had been a little bit disengaged already today and really wanted her to connect with the group and create some friendships. I thought for a moment and suggested that she ask our group. S1 was the first to speak up and provide feedback, she told H2 that she really likes to listen to others because she feels like then she may be able to help. L1 suggested that H2 give herself a limit of how many times she can pass per month. H2 told us she felt she wrote things that were really personal and could come up with a less personal example to share. This was great problem solving by the group.

 I feel like I say it every week but these are amazing kids! They supported one another and H2 challenged herself to feel vulnerable. She shared she struggles to ask permission to pet people’s animals. She thinks this may be rude and wants to work on being more patient and asking permission. At first I felt like H2 had dodged a bullet and was avoiding really answering the question but as I continue to think about it I need to remember that if she really feels strongly about it, that’s what matters. This could translate into other areas of her life as well. L1 said that it felt good to share and put it out there.

We then read chapter 18 and 19; they are really into this book and now when we stop to do workbook it’s not only L1 who gives me a sour face about it. The group seemed pretty excited to be taking something home and everyone was participating well in writing down worries to take with them .We set some ground rules for next session so that they felt comfortable to write whatever they wanted. For this we would only share about the experience of how it felt to write down our worries and put them somewhere safe for a night. They could share a worry if they want to but don’t need to.

We had a quick discussion about what to do with our remaining time as this session was flying by. I didn’t want them to be overwhelmed with two think and do assignments and gave the choice to them. Everyone was up for the challenge and wanted to do the activity for chapter 19 as well. We got out our Tuli stones and discussed our thoughts for next session.

I suggested that we continue to write things in our notebook that are personal if that’s what we feel we need. I reminded them that it is a safe place to write anything they feel and I will not look in them without permission. To avoid any group member feeling that they can’t share about what they write I suggested that if they are using it to write things they feel they would like to keep to themselves always be prepared with one thing they feel comfortable sharing. This way each of us can have a safe place to get out our feelings but can also engage in group discussions.

Next time we will have discussion about each experience and if we have time move on to chapter 20: Forgiveness.  Although our time was up all wanted to stay and talk a little bit about their numbers. Each member shared and did so without raising hands and waiting for me to lead! This was a great session for us!

Acceptance Session 12

Today we started with a check in of what animal each member of the group felt like. I can feel the kids start to break lose when we do this, it seems like it may be easier for them to express how they feel when it isn't so direct. I will list what animals they chose; at the end of our session we came together before leaving and went around the table so that each member could share why they had picked their animal.

L2 – sloth, he felt slow and tired this morning

M – dog, she felt excited and wild

S1 – puffer fish, she thinks they look funny and she had felt funny and happy

L1 – wolf pulling a sled, L1 felt like she had a lot to accomplish and felt behind.  She said she felt like she was pushing snow out of the way and was not meant for the jobs she needed to do.

H2 – dragon, she felt awesome and ready for a challenge and at the same time was feeling short tempered

H1 – death lyger (which he described is a mythical creature), he felt like a mythical creature today because his friend from school was sick and he felt unseen and a little bit alone

H3 – roasted chicken, this would fall more in the food category in my opinion but he likes roasted chicken and felt awesome and likable 

T– turtle, she felt slow and tired

K – horse, K shared that she thinks horses have good and bad days just like her.  K also shared that when she is at the Club and school she feels like a wild and free horse, and at home recently she has been feeling differently.

It’s exciting to see how our group is becoming more comfortable with one another and really sharing how they are feeling. I appreciate the creativity in their answers and although some may not be actual animals, I felt as long as they were able to tie it in and explain their thoughts and feelings it didn’t really matter.  In the end they were speaking openly to one another and relating in a positive way.

We had two group members who still needed a chance to share about their experience giving away their “I believe “ charms so we started with this after check in.

S1 – gave one charm to a friend who she thought it would help to feel better.  She gave her second charm to a teen here at the Club, Jenny, who recently started working with S1 in math. She said she thought it was really nice of Jenny to help her and that Jenny was happy to receive the charm.  On a side note, I have noticed S1’s attitude change quite bit in the last two weeks since receiving individual help in math, she seems happier to come to Manadoob and told me it’s because she feels good she got her homework done!

L2 – gave his first charm to his mom who he shared thought it was sweet. He gave his second charm to his mom as well, but to pass on to her boss for him. He told us that she is very sick and thought it might help. His mom informed him that her boss was thankful for the charm.

When discussing questions one and two in chapter 16, Acceptance, L1 shared that when something is especially hard to accept she tries to think about it in a different way and sometimes this helps her to keep going. She shared that one thing she has accepted is her bunny dying, as she has shared with us in a past session.  L1 told the group that her mom had made her a stuffed animal bunny to help her. H2 said that moving to Bend was hard for her because she moved away from her family and the coast which she feels connected to. H1 chose to give some advice (which related to the Moobiki hint) that no one else can control your life but you, that it is up to each person to choose to react or accept things. M agreed with H1 by saying she liked that. (This was great, M stayed very focused and contributed in an appropriate way, I gave her a thumbs up and she responded with a giant smile on her face). S1 told about how winning or losing sports has been hard for her to accept. Her mom asks her to play at least one sport each year and when she was very young she felt it was hard to really understand winning and losing and the feelings with each. L2 and H3 related to one another in what they chose to share; L2 had a close friend move away from him when he was younger and H3 was a friend who moved away from another. M shared a time when it was hard to accept a fight with a friend because it was difficult for her to understand it.  T described moving away from a friend and how her friend had given her a charm that made it easier for T to accept moving.

Again, everyone had something great to say during our discussion about self talk when kids bully and what we should do when we witness the bullying of a person or animal. L1 tries to be really nice to a person if they are bullying. I asked the group if they had ever heard the term “kill with kindness” and they all answered with nods and yes’s. T shared a very insightful thought that maybe the person bullying is being treated that way at home or somewhere else and we talked about this for a few minutes. We agreed that trying to understand may be a nice way to help someone. K felt very strongly that if she thought it was safe to do so she would try to step in and stop the bullying. H1 would try to give advice he has in the past given to his brother, which was if you are angry try to find another way to express it like using a punching bag. H2 feels like she bullies back when she sees bullying. She says that she tries to make them understand how it feels. I asked if she wanted some support from the group about this in the form of advice and she stated that she just wanted to share it and get it out. H2 is consistently brave in her sharing with the group and I hope this will continue. I hope that this group will help H2 to become more trusting of others and open to the possibility of positive outcomes rather than expecting the worst. L1 shared a story about her experience at a local agency serving homeless animals where she was able to advocate for an animal she felt needed more medical attention. She expressed her happiness to be able to take on this role and explained the steps she took to do this, including voicing her opinion with the support of a trusted adult.

Next week we will start Chapter 17 in the workbook and continue on reading if we have time. I am grateful to be able to share these experiences with this group of Club Members. I am proud to see them starting to take ownership of this group and really reach out to one another. 

Session 11

Today we implemented our new check in process. Prior to our meeting I asked L1 if she wanted to decide on a check in for the day, she responded with the idea of a color to represent how each person is feeling.

We decided as a group that each of us would say aloud a color that we felt represented our mood for the day and then at the end of group we would say one word that described the feeling. The following are our check in colors:

H3 - yellow

S1 - purple

L1 – bluish/greenish

H2 - white

K – yellow

We then shared about who the “I believe” charms from last session were given to. It was interesting to see how many gave a charm to someone in their family and the reasoning behind their choices.

T seemed very excited to report that she gave on charm to her Mom and one to her older sister. She mentioned that her older sister reacted emotionally; she hadn't realized how much T thought of her. T shared that she was glad to be able to give them something representative of her feelings for them, it made it easier for her to express this.

L1 gave one charm to a friend who was moving to a different school. L1 reported that her friend liked it and that it helped her feel ready to move on to her new school. L1 gave her second charm to her bunny who had been acting sad recently. She told us that she thought that giving him the charm helped him feel better; he acted interested in it and more social again. She puts it on his cage each day.

K gave it to her mom who put it on a necklace and had been wearing it daily. The second charm went to her dog, he wears it on his collar. She shared the meaning of it with her family so that they would understand why it was important to her.

H3 gave them to his Mom and Dad, who he also explained the meaning to. He felt that both of his parents appreciated the charm and really liked it.

H2 gave one to L1 who she considers to be a good friend and the other to one of our staff members who she described feels like an Aunt to her. H2 then shared that she had also given hers away to her teacher. I asked her to share about her decision to do this, I was especially curious because she often shares that she doesn't connect well with her teacher and feels she is struggling in class. She told us that on the last day of school before break “everyone” was giving the teacher gifts and H2 hadn't gotten her anything. She felt bad about this and left out, so she wanted to give her something too.

S1 had left the previous session early and wasn't able to hand out her charms yet but said she had a good idea of who she wanted to give them to.

We moved on to reading chapter 15 and 16, which members of the group read aloud. When it came to the question of whether they had ever been bullied and how it felt I was happy to hear that a couple group members were able to say that they hadn't felt bullied before.

S1 is becoming consistently more open with the group in sharing. She told us she had been bullied before and it felt embarrassing to her and she worried it would happen again. I am hoping through this program that S1 will be able to view herself as others do and that her confidence will improve. She has so much to offer but may sometimes sell herself short. I think it takes a lot for her to share with the group and feel very fortunate to be a part of this process for her!

H2 told a story about that day when a boy that bothers her in class disrespected her boundaries by hitting her. She told us that she ignored him and tried not to take it personally. I, as well as the rest of the group, encouraged her to always tell an adult. I’m not sure if she will use this suggestion, she often shares that she feels adults won’t do anything. Although I can’t control what happens at school I will be checking in with her to make sure she is feeling safe and at least communicating these things with her mom. Our staff team may be able to support her in rebuilding her trust in adults by consistently responding to and working to prevent any type of bullying in our programs.

We wrote responses to a few more questions and saved them for discussion at our next session. Everyone shared a word that they felt represented how they felt that day and that corresponded with the color they shared earlier.

H3- “pretty happy”

S1 -“tappy” which she explained meant tired and happy

L1- sad and excited

H2- happy

K- fappy which meant to her funny and happy

T- left early