It was an interesting day of Manadoob. There were some surprising revelations and an even more surprising bonding moment between two members who are usually at odds with each other. Most of what happened was unexpected in some way and the time seemed to fly by a little faster than usual.
First things first, KJ and RJ, the two of my members most likely to be negative and most likely to get in some sort of verbal altercation with each other had several strange moments of bonding today. We are in Chapter 5, and there is an exercise where members tell a story or create a story about a show of kindness between two people. KJ could not think of anything, and voiced this complaint more than once. I ran him through some scenarios, gave him multiple prompts, but for some reason he just didn't want to share a story about kindness. I honestly think it was difficult him, with what has gone on his life, to imagine kindness between two people. Surprisingly, RJ came to the rescue with a prompt that got the whole room laughing. She asked KJ what his favorite things were, to which he responded Pokemon and sushi. RJ suggested that he write a story about a Pokemon giving another Pokemon some delicious Sushi. It was a silly moment, and on the surface it doesn't seem like a big deal, but given the antagonistic history between the two of them, it represented a significant step forward.
RJ also gave me a teachable moment at the end of the class, and I think the lesson actually sunk in. RJ pulled out the Moobia Stone of Wisdom, Iduna and I asked her if there was anyone in her life, friends or otherwise, with whom she might cut ties and thereby make her life better. She responded that she wished she could cut the Boys & Girl Club out of her life and all of the people in it so she didn't have to see them anymore. This is a common theme with RJ, even though at home she seems to speak highly of the Club and its staff and has recently become much more accepting and open to attending. Still, there is obviously some rebellious and negative feelings. So I asked RJ if she had a choice of whether or not she came to the Club. She replied that she did not. What followed was a tense exchange, but I focused on the fact that you can't always choose what happens in your life or where you spend your time but that you can choose how you respond, how you view things, and that those choices can directly influence your happiness. I pointed out to RJ that much of her unhappiness comes from the friction that she causes with her confrontational attitude and her decisions to isolate herself. I challenged her to do this week's homework, to be nice for an entire day and see how it changed how SHE felt. I doubt she will be nice for a whole day, but even the attempt should prove illuminating for her.
It was really a strange class. Some deep issues came out unexpectedly and I don't think some of the kids were prepared. We are still in the early phases of the class where they are being eased into some of the heavier content and they were challenged by RJ's attitude and some comments about a friend who committed suicide from FR. It was good, but I could see that it was a bit overwhelming. I let it go on for a little while but then redirected the conversation and the theme of the class back to the topics at hand and a little lighter fare.
It is interesting, now that I am more experienced at facilitating the class, that it has in some ways become more difficult for me to stay on task as my increased comfort and more efficient techniques have translated into deeper and more startling revelations from many of the members. I am happy that I am achieving a greater amount of depth than my first class, but it is resulting in some interesting challenges for me as well. I really enjoy how the teacher role can so quickly become the student role and how often I find myself scrambling for an answer. I am learning as we go as well.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Session 4: Improvisation
Today was a unique day, and in some ways I'm happy it was my first day blogging about my Manadoob sessions. Before the class started, a youth at the Club that I have a close relationship came up to me and told me that she was having a sad day. I took her out of the general chaos of the main Club areas to talk to her, and she revealed to me that her three year old dog had been hit by a car the day before.
We sat in the office and talked, her on the verge of tears and me more than a little touched by the difficulty she was having and the fact that she was willing to share with me. I told her that I had a young dog when I was her age that had been hit by a car and remembered how difficult it is. I also told her, tears close to my own eyes, that I couldn't imagine losing my dog now.
This young lady isn't in my Manadoob class, but I asked her up to it as a special guest and threw out my lesson plan for the day (I'll combine two classes down the line). I saw an opportunity for her and for the Manadoob members to mutually gain. She didn't want to talk about what had happened in front of the Manadoob class, it was still too fresh for her, so instead I had my Manadoob class pick out a Moobia stone and share a difficult story from their own life where they were sad, lost a loved one, or went through a similarly difficult time. Not unexpectedly, losing a dog was the very first thing that came up, and BL shared that after her dog died she went behind the shed in her yard and cried all day.
Other youth shared difficult stories as well, and I could see some of the stress and sadness melting out of our honorary member. By the end of the session some brightness had returned to her face and she felt...lighter to me. I gave her the Moobia stones, the book that explained them, and the story book on loan. I told her she had to give it back but that she could keep it for as long as she wanted. The stone she chose was Rahwa, the stone of thankfulness, so the last thing we talked about was how we can be thankful even for sadness. I asked the members who had spoken of loss if they would give up the memories of their loved ones in order to have never felt the sadness when they departed. They all agreed that they would rather be sad than forget the people and pets that brought them such happiness.
I let our temporary member depart at that point, but asked her to keep the Rahwa stone in her pocket and to touch it whenever she started to feel overwhelmed by being sad to remind her of why she loved her dog so much.
We closed out the class with lighter fare, sharing our favorite books, songs, movies, even video games and why they were important to us. When the class was over and I had collected all of the kits, I went back downstairs and, shortly thereafter, the girl who had lost her dog was called to the desk. I went to see her to give her a hug before she left, and she was laughing with her friends and having fun in our Games Room. Clearly Manadoob and our discussion had lightened some of her burden. She no doubt has difficult moments ahead, but I think hearing others speak of their loss really touched her and reminded her that she wasn't alone.
Overall, I'm very happy with the improvisation, though I'm not sure if I should have pushed her to share or not. I try not to do that but, given how much better she seemed to feel after hearing the others talk, it might have been good. Either way, successful and rewarding day.
I also had HJ ask if he could share his difficult time after class. HJ and I never had a relationship before Manadoob, but, just a few classes in, he came to me to share difficulties in his home life involving drug use and prison time among his parents. He told me that he and his brother were both facing a very difficult time going forward. HJ is one of the youngest members of the class, and seeing him in tears as he shared deeply personal information with me for the first time was very touching. Manadoob continues to amaze.
We sat in the office and talked, her on the verge of tears and me more than a little touched by the difficulty she was having and the fact that she was willing to share with me. I told her that I had a young dog when I was her age that had been hit by a car and remembered how difficult it is. I also told her, tears close to my own eyes, that I couldn't imagine losing my dog now.
This young lady isn't in my Manadoob class, but I asked her up to it as a special guest and threw out my lesson plan for the day (I'll combine two classes down the line). I saw an opportunity for her and for the Manadoob members to mutually gain. She didn't want to talk about what had happened in front of the Manadoob class, it was still too fresh for her, so instead I had my Manadoob class pick out a Moobia stone and share a difficult story from their own life where they were sad, lost a loved one, or went through a similarly difficult time. Not unexpectedly, losing a dog was the very first thing that came up, and BL shared that after her dog died she went behind the shed in her yard and cried all day.
Other youth shared difficult stories as well, and I could see some of the stress and sadness melting out of our honorary member. By the end of the session some brightness had returned to her face and she felt...lighter to me. I gave her the Moobia stones, the book that explained them, and the story book on loan. I told her she had to give it back but that she could keep it for as long as she wanted. The stone she chose was Rahwa, the stone of thankfulness, so the last thing we talked about was how we can be thankful even for sadness. I asked the members who had spoken of loss if they would give up the memories of their loved ones in order to have never felt the sadness when they departed. They all agreed that they would rather be sad than forget the people and pets that brought them such happiness.
I let our temporary member depart at that point, but asked her to keep the Rahwa stone in her pocket and to touch it whenever she started to feel overwhelmed by being sad to remind her of why she loved her dog so much.
We closed out the class with lighter fare, sharing our favorite books, songs, movies, even video games and why they were important to us. When the class was over and I had collected all of the kits, I went back downstairs and, shortly thereafter, the girl who had lost her dog was called to the desk. I went to see her to give her a hug before she left, and she was laughing with her friends and having fun in our Games Room. Clearly Manadoob and our discussion had lightened some of her burden. She no doubt has difficult moments ahead, but I think hearing others speak of their loss really touched her and reminded her that she wasn't alone.
Overall, I'm very happy with the improvisation, though I'm not sure if I should have pushed her to share or not. I try not to do that but, given how much better she seemed to feel after hearing the others talk, it might have been good. Either way, successful and rewarding day.
I also had HJ ask if he could share his difficult time after class. HJ and I never had a relationship before Manadoob, but, just a few classes in, he came to me to share difficulties in his home life involving drug use and prison time among his parents. He told me that he and his brother were both facing a very difficult time going forward. HJ is one of the youngest members of the class, and seeing him in tears as he shared deeply personal information with me for the first time was very touching. Manadoob continues to amaze.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Class Makeup
I would like to discuss the makeup of my group because it was very deliberately done. My other Club staff were asked to nominate two people each; this was done because I wanted the group to be more diverse than if I had just gone by my opinion. It is also because there are so many children at the Club who are close to some staff and not others that I knew I would miss some terrific candidates otherwise. I am going to use the initials of each member in order to preserve anonymity, but knowing a little bit about the participants will greatly enhance your understanding of my comments, and I'm assuming if you're reading that is what you're looking for. So, without further ado, the ten participants of my class and brief notes on their behavior and personality.
BL - BL is a very quiet young woman but still strong in her personality. She doesn't have to be loud or pushy to make her presence felt, and so far she is a very active participant in discussions.
CS1 - CS1 is the youngest member of the class and the most easily distracted. It is difficult at times to keep him from going on tangents. He is normally a shy boy but is often eager to share in Manadoob.
CJ - CJ is a girl whose personality is difficult to quantify. On the one hand she is shy and unassuming, but when engaged she is very eloquent and willing to share. So far, she is one of the bravest members in sharing difficult and potentially embarrassing things.
CM - CM is the quietest of the members and has, through three classes, yet to share once. However, I have seen her work up the courage and almost share, and I continue to gently prompt her. I have confidence she will share soon, and I am very excited at the new perspective she will bring.
CS2 - CS2 is a very quiet and unassuming young man. He seems eager to share but is often intimidated by the prospect of sharing with the group. I am hoping that as the class continues his confidence will grow.
FR - FR has been the most impressive member of class so far in the depth to which she is willing to share. She is having some problems in her life and seems eager to share them with the group. I think, at times, her candor is intimidating to the others, but it is also inspiring. She is blossoming into a leader before my eyes.
HJ - HJ is the other young member of the class, and like his counterpart, he has some difficulties focusing. I am hoping that the structure of the class will help him keep his thoughts together better in the future.
KJ - KJ has a special relationship with me and perhaps, of everyone, has the most to learn from Manadoob. He can be negative and aggressive at times, and I am looking forward especially to the section on bullying with KJ.
MZ - MZ is the calm center of the class around which all of the members orbit. MZ has had some difficulties, but he is so strong and stable and willing to share that he has become the anchor of sanity for a very diverse group.
RJ - RJ has significant behavior problems and I wasn't sure whether or not she would be able to participate. So far, the behavior contract that I made up has served to reign her in when she gets upset and I think she will be able to stay in the class. If she does, I have do doubt that she will benefit from it immensely.
That's it. I will also throw out a nod to DK, a girl who was in my class last year and who I have chosen as my wonderful assistant and who amazed me last year and continues to do so in the role of assistant instructor. I am excited for DK, who got so much out of her class, to see it from the level of instructor and get a completely different hit on it this time around.
Cheers
BL - BL is a very quiet young woman but still strong in her personality. She doesn't have to be loud or pushy to make her presence felt, and so far she is a very active participant in discussions.
CS1 - CS1 is the youngest member of the class and the most easily distracted. It is difficult at times to keep him from going on tangents. He is normally a shy boy but is often eager to share in Manadoob.
CJ - CJ is a girl whose personality is difficult to quantify. On the one hand she is shy and unassuming, but when engaged she is very eloquent and willing to share. So far, she is one of the bravest members in sharing difficult and potentially embarrassing things.
CM - CM is the quietest of the members and has, through three classes, yet to share once. However, I have seen her work up the courage and almost share, and I continue to gently prompt her. I have confidence she will share soon, and I am very excited at the new perspective she will bring.
CS2 - CS2 is a very quiet and unassuming young man. He seems eager to share but is often intimidated by the prospect of sharing with the group. I am hoping that as the class continues his confidence will grow.
FR - FR has been the most impressive member of class so far in the depth to which she is willing to share. She is having some problems in her life and seems eager to share them with the group. I think, at times, her candor is intimidating to the others, but it is also inspiring. She is blossoming into a leader before my eyes.
HJ - HJ is the other young member of the class, and like his counterpart, he has some difficulties focusing. I am hoping that the structure of the class will help him keep his thoughts together better in the future.
KJ - KJ has a special relationship with me and perhaps, of everyone, has the most to learn from Manadoob. He can be negative and aggressive at times, and I am looking forward especially to the section on bullying with KJ.
MZ - MZ is the calm center of the class around which all of the members orbit. MZ has had some difficulties, but he is so strong and stable and willing to share that he has become the anchor of sanity for a very diverse group.
RJ - RJ has significant behavior problems and I wasn't sure whether or not she would be able to participate. So far, the behavior contract that I made up has served to reign her in when she gets upset and I think she will be able to stay in the class. If she does, I have do doubt that she will benefit from it immensely.
That's it. I will also throw out a nod to DK, a girl who was in my class last year and who I have chosen as my wonderful assistant and who amazed me last year and continues to do so in the role of assistant instructor. I am excited for DK, who got so much out of her class, to see it from the level of instructor and get a completely different hit on it this time around.
Cheers
Introduction
Before I posted my first reflections upon a Manadoob class, I thought I would give a little bit of background on myself. My name is Ryan Hart, I am 29 and living in Bend, Oregon where I work at the Boys & Girls Club. This is my second year running Manadoob and I am very excited to get deeper into the program. I am starting this blog a little bit late so I'll be starting after the fourth class this week (02/16). Starting this week I will be posting something after every class, hopefully right after the class so that I remember things more clearly.
As I said, this is my second year running Manadoob. Last year I had a compressed time period and little familiarity with the program, so I flew by the seat of my pants for the most part. Still, I fell in love with the program and the possibilities it offers to participants as well as instructors, and now that I have a deeper understanding I have no doubt I am going to experience new things that I missed last year. I have also implemented a Manadoob art program with a corresponding art project for almost every class, save only those when the Club is closed. It is my hope that the physical crafting of artwork related to Manadoob will expand the already multi-layered educational strategy to reinforce the comprehensive reading and the writing and discussion projects.
On a personal level, Manadoob speaks to me in ways it wouldn't have three years ago. At 25, I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia and it was devastating. On top of the difficulties of chemotherapy and the mental stress that came from my whole life going "poof!" in front of my eyes, so few people were willing to talk to me about the difficult parts of my life, so intimidated and frightened of the harsh realities I was facing. I wish that I had been more thoughtful about death and some of the difficulties I had faced before, but, even more, I wish that the people around me had found the courage to do so. So you can imagine my surprise and sincere admiration when I discovered a program that encouraged CHILDREN to do this. Here I was, surrounded by people in their mid-20s too frightened to think of things like death and loss and extreme sadness, and now here I am watching young children enthusiastically and courageously explore deep fears. To top it all off, I get to teach this program at the Club, a place as responsible for my recovery as anything else save my mother and my dog, Sadie.
It's weird to send this off into the ether, not knowing if anyone is going to actually be reading it, but here goes! If you are reading, thank you! If you have any questions or comments, well I'm sure there is some place on here that has my email address and a section for comments. Sorry, I'm not so good with the technology spectrum of things; I'm pretty analog.
Cheers
As I said, this is my second year running Manadoob. Last year I had a compressed time period and little familiarity with the program, so I flew by the seat of my pants for the most part. Still, I fell in love with the program and the possibilities it offers to participants as well as instructors, and now that I have a deeper understanding I have no doubt I am going to experience new things that I missed last year. I have also implemented a Manadoob art program with a corresponding art project for almost every class, save only those when the Club is closed. It is my hope that the physical crafting of artwork related to Manadoob will expand the already multi-layered educational strategy to reinforce the comprehensive reading and the writing and discussion projects.
On a personal level, Manadoob speaks to me in ways it wouldn't have three years ago. At 25, I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia and it was devastating. On top of the difficulties of chemotherapy and the mental stress that came from my whole life going "poof!" in front of my eyes, so few people were willing to talk to me about the difficult parts of my life, so intimidated and frightened of the harsh realities I was facing. I wish that I had been more thoughtful about death and some of the difficulties I had faced before, but, even more, I wish that the people around me had found the courage to do so. So you can imagine my surprise and sincere admiration when I discovered a program that encouraged CHILDREN to do this. Here I was, surrounded by people in their mid-20s too frightened to think of things like death and loss and extreme sadness, and now here I am watching young children enthusiastically and courageously explore deep fears. To top it all off, I get to teach this program at the Club, a place as responsible for my recovery as anything else save my mother and my dog, Sadie.
It's weird to send this off into the ether, not knowing if anyone is going to actually be reading it, but here goes! If you are reading, thank you! If you have any questions or comments, well I'm sure there is some place on here that has my email address and a section for comments. Sorry, I'm not so good with the technology spectrum of things; I'm pretty analog.
Cheers
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)