Session 8: Another Small Group

So my more clever readers may have already realized that there was a small group.  I'm having a little trouble keeping attendance up which is mildly irritating given that I spoke to all of the parents before hand about the importance of continuity in the program and the limited resources we have to put it on.  On the upside, having a small group makes the sharing much more intimate and valuable.  Being at the Club, my goal with our 120-140 members daily is to reach as many as I can.  Ten is the maximum size I want my group to be, and even that is a little unwieldy at times, so when I have a group of five like I did on Thursday it's kind of like a holiday.

We hit three chapters today, 10-12.  In addition to having a small group it was primarily made of of people who don't share a lot, so they got the chance to shine in the absence of their more talkative and outgoing peers.  As a result, I got to see a side of them that I don't often see.  RJ, who has had many problems at the Club and has not been there for a few weeks was back.  She was having problems at the Club again today, so I was a bit unsure of how she would do in Manadoob, but she did really well.  For some reason, she had chosen not to talk today and wrote everything down instead, but I just rolled with it and accepted her input that way.  The one time she did talk was to make a joke about how if everyone looked the same we wouldn't be able to tell each other apart.  Given her lack of voiced input to that point it was actually quite funny and it was a welcome moment to see her lighthearted, a word rarely (if ever) used to describe her.

HJ, who has missed the last few sessions due to difficulties at school and at home, had quite a surprising day.  He is one of the quieter and younger members of the group, but his enthusiasm was palpable in his first day back and he often carried the conversation.  As he is usually somewhat distracted and difficult to get to focus it was fun to see and be a part of.  We also got our Sadiki bands today.  For any of you unfamiliar with the aspects of the program, Sadiki bands are given out about halfway through the program and are used to promote belief in self and belief in others.  Each band says Sadiki on it, which essentially means "Believe," and there are charms that come with them that say "Believe in Yourself" on one side and "I Believe in You" on the other.  Members are supposed to keep one for themselves and give the other two to friends or family or put them on their pet's collar to show their love and belief in those close to them.  HJ gave one of his charms to me which was pretty adorable.  I put it on (my dog) Sadie's collar.

We also did the section involved with turning negative statements into positive ones, and I quite liked their choices so I'll share them with you:

"I don't have my own bedroom" became, via HJ, "At least I have a bedroom to live in."

"My glass is half empty" became, via MZ, "At least there is something in my glass."

"I am afraid of the dark" became, via RJ, "But I can see the stars and the moon at night" and, via CM, "I can see the pretty lights from buildings at night."

"I don't want a pet because he/she will die some day" became, via CS, "At least I will get to play with her and have fun."

Once again, pretty adorable.

Also, the continuing emergence of CM as a vocal presence in the class has been very gratifying to watch.  Throughout the Club, CM has difficulty expressing herself and opening up to other children.  She is often standing alone, watching everything happen instead of engaging.  Daily, myself and other staff encourage her to play, to have fun, to make friends, and daily we are rebuffed, politely, but rebuffed nonetheless.  I would be taking credit from the overall effort of our staff if I said this change is purely a result of myself and Manadoob, as everyone takes a hand in what we do here, but Manadoob has definitely had an effect and I feel the change most strongly when we are in Manadoob.  She is slowly coming out of her shell (also she loved Horace Po so a great pun opportunity) and while that is visible in the rest of her Club life, it is most striking in Manadoob where she went from never sharing to sharing more than half of the time she is asked.  It really is heartwarming to witness, and she and I seem to be bonding so that will have ramifications far outside of Manadoob.

This is already getting long so I'll share a few more things and then send this off into the ether.  One, we talked about anticipation, and, without my prompting, they realized that anticipation can also mean things they are worried about, which was a big leap and speaks to how Manadoob has already influenced them to think their way around things and see both sides.

Two, I am in a very emotional place right now, and it showed in this class.  I'm sure you have already noticed by the length and tone of this entry that my head is in a different place.  The last few classes I have been sick and a little bit run down, so it was more difficult to teach them and write about them afterwards.  This time, I was excited for the class more than usual because my own mind is racing with the ramifications of an old friend entering my life and deepening our friendship somewhat out of the blue.  Most of my friends bailed when it turned out surviving Cancer was actually difficult and often ugly rather than heroic and romantic; who knew?  So I have largely avoided getting close to people for awhile because my life has been so unstable that I've needed to focus most of my energy on not going crazy.  Now, more stable and less leery of emotional depth, I find myself beginning to heal in another way, and I was very excited to see how that energy translated to Manadoob (and to the Club in general).  It isn't a positive or negative feeling so much as just an intense one, and it ended up fueling things in Manadoob that coincided perfectly with my smaller class.  Obviously, it has inspired me to write a longer than normal journal entry.

So I hope it wasn't weird for me to share personal things.  This blog is about Manadoob and I don't want to use it as a platform to talk about my own experiences, but they are, in some ways, relevant to what is going on and provide a deeper understanding of who I am and what I am trying to accomplish.  Thank you all for reading!  Be Well.

Ryan